A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together nearly a year. It's the deepest connection I've ever felt with someone and he feels the same. Like puzzle pieces fitting together. But my other half is scared of commitment. As he puts it, half the time he wants to ask me to marry him right there and then, the other half he wants to run in the opposite direction. I'm the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with, but he's worried he's not ready to commit to one person for the rest of his life just yet. Following a few personal tragedies, he spent a number of years cooped up in a small village with his family looking after his mum. When he was finally getting back on his feet, he moved to the neighbouring city and was all geared up to start playing the field and have some fun. As it happened, the first girl he met was me and he found himself falling in love with someone he wants to have a future with. His concern is that he still has the urge to play the field, like he needs to get it out of his system. If he commits to me, he's worried that somewhere down the line he's going to hurt both of us by changing his mind. Is he just having normal feelings, scared of commitment like your average guy? Or did we fall in love at the wrong time, and should we break up before we end up getting hurt?I'm not sure what to do. I don't think finding that attractive women turn his head is anything out of the ordinary, and he's never cheated on anyone so I'm not concerned that he'll act on any feelings, but I have more self-respect than to sit around and wait for him to decide whether he wants to commit. Is he just disillisioned in thinking that once he meets 'the one' he'll have no desire to be with anyone else?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 March 2016):
 I understand your worries. The notion that MANY young guys have, is that they "miss out" by not having a tonne of sexual partners is pretty common. At least for the ones who don't quite get that it IS quality over quantity.
It's ONLY been a year and the two of you are YOUNG - there IS no hurry in getting hitched.
I would however consider having a chat with him and ask him WHY he think he NEEDS to play the field. To me that is such an out dated, yet basic urge. Guy who think playing the filed is how they become a man, are the same guy who in their 40's are STILL playing the field. Because they are ALWAYS looking for greener grass.
And IF he wants to "play the field" so badly, maybe he is thinking he can do better than you (not that you are not good enough) but that he has no clue what a good thing ha has right there with you.
Still it's BARELY been a year. And I think it's a good thing that he feels he can be this open with you.
Maybe just relax a bit and let the relationship just keep evolving naturally?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 March 2016):
 I don't think he is stringing you along, so don't worry or feel like he is taking you for a fool. He has a fear off committing, yet he loves you enough to know he wants to be with you, that is a great start. don't put to much pressure on him, you are still young and you are both only together a year. So no need to be talking about marriage or anything like that yet. Just reassure him from time to time that you love him, and care for him. It is a good thing he is being honest about his feelings though, many wouldn't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2016): It's good that he's been really honest with you about this, but I don't think you should be so hasty to make a decision. You're still young, and there's plenty of time for marriage. You sound like you are both completely in love with each other, so just enjoy it. I would ease off all convosation about marriage, as you've only been together a year.Honestly, I'd give it another year and then say "Look, this is something I want, how do you feel about it now?" and see what happens!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 March 2016):
 I think the wisest thing to do is to just nod and acknowledge what he's saying without adding your input. Normally this is going to make you worry and overthink. He's open and honest enough to share this with you. So if you show your supportive side he would not hold back from sharing things with you. I feel that a level of trust and openness should be accepted. Although we never know of each other's most private thoughts. We have our dark sides and sometimes we don't want the other one to go there. He's worried enough to not want to marry yet, but his desire to play the field is not strong enough to just break up. I know the work "break up" is the word you dread to hear but luckily I don't see any break up happening. When a man is stalling to commit, he has no intention of disrespecting you. It's more about his ability to commit than you being worthy to be committed to.
The difference between a woman and man is that for a woman, the path towards love is straight forward while for a man, he connects, then disconnects, get excited about long term then wants to withdraw from the thought. You would think a man has a one track mind in tasks, but in relationships he's the opposite. He's more likely to commit because he's come to his own conclusion that his destiny is to be with you and he can't bear to hurt you, rather than if you react with insecurity and are trying to control the situation or make him feel bad about his doubts. Sometimes men have no idea how much his words affect us and cause us anxiety. I am most certain that your positive receptivity to what he says is the appropriate reaction he's waiting for.
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