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*uzieq207
writes:my husband and i have been together for 12 years although we have only been married 1 year i raised his daughter and now i am rasing his three grandchildren whom i love dearly problem being he dont help me with housework he thinks he dont do anything wrong how can i be a wife when everything else is on my shoulders did i mention he is addicted to pain meds and is very argumentive and verbally abuses me and grandchildren...What should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 January 2013):
 He's an addict. Even if the meds are prescribed by the doctor if he's addicted he's an addict.
sadly these are his grandchildren not yours but if he's abusive you need to get them out of there or they will be raised to think abuse is acceptable.
what are you options? for the children.. if their parents are addicts or unable to care for them then you need to get legal rights to these children and remove them from their abusive grandfather.
IF you are not willing to go that route, then you can leave for yourself....
if your statement is:
i'm not leaving an abusive addict (and I get that, I'm not leaving mine either but i don't have small children to protect) then you only want help with the housework.
Hire a maid. that's what i did when my abusive alcoholic would not help me with the housework.
I have licensed bonded maid service ever other week... they do the deep cleaning and i do the light stuff when needed.
if that's not an option, how old are these grandchildren... get them to help.
are you working outside the home?
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reader, eddie85 +, writes (29 January 2013):
 I don't mean to be cruel or mean: Why exactly did you marry this man? He is argumentative, ungrateful, pawned off his children on you and worse of all: he's addicted to pain medicine. That's only what you've told us here, and I am sure you have a lot more going on.
There's really only one solution to your problems: get him off the pain medicines. Metaphorically speaking, by coming and complaining here, you are basically talking about a skinned knee when in reality the problem is as serious as a heart attack. People who are addicted to pain medicines are addicts and will act like addicts. I imagine you are a co-addict (enabler) as well: providing him with all the excuses and benefits so he can continue to do pills. No wonder you are frazzled...
To save your marriage, I would highly suggest you seek counseling for yourself, first. Hopefully a qualified counselor will give you the strength and wisdom to get you to stand-up for yourself and insist that your husband get help. Ultimately, you may have to find it within yourself to say either the pills go, or I go.
Failure to do that will mean that his addiction and dependence will continue to grow and worse, you'll take the brunt of it. Very very few can quit pain pill dependence on their own... Also, with his pills around, he may be at risk when operating a motor vehicle that his grand children are in too. So not only is his life in danger, but yours and the very family you are caring for.
You may also want to enlist his family to help out. If his children are sympathetic to him, they can make a world of difference for him in whether or not he gets help.
Sadly, professional help is what he needs before you can even begin to fix the "other" problems in your marriage. Again, seek professional help for yourself and gather your support system -- I think you are going to need it.
Eddie
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reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (28 January 2013):
 When a person is on any form of substance abuse, you are not dealing with the true individual period! Their ability to see reason is void! That is, your requests will fall on deaf ears! Once his addiction is addressed, only then will you stand a chance to reason with him civilly…
Meanwhile, it’ll be hard being a wife to such a husband under these circumstances, and the domestic issues will fall on your shoulders for a long while to come. Personally I’d seek some sort of counselling etc. that deals with addictions in your country of origin.
Take Care
CAA
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