A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm writing in with a problem that I can't get my head round.My husband admitted to me last night that'd he'd been going to male prostitutes for the past few weeks - in fact, the past 6 weeks.Now I know why our sex life was so lacklustre (his claims of work-related stress were bogus; the above was the real reason!)I asked him why he did this (without getting confrontational, aggressive or angry), and he said he went because he could get emotional support from them that he couldn't get from me.He said there was no sex involved/b at all, it was simply talking.He also said to me he wants to give it up, but it feels like a thrill for him spending the money on it.Also, he's asking for forgiveness; should I stay or go?the whole situation seems worrying to me.He's a lovely man and a great guy usually, but this recent thing worries me so much I'm having trouble trying to work on our relationship regarding the issue.Patricia
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (13 March 2009):
 I think if he has lied to you about being "tired from work" the he is lying about going to male prostitutes to "talk". If he wanted to pay someone money to talk about his problems he would have been going to a therapist not a male prostitute.
Personally, I would not be able to forgive this for a number of reasons. 1. he feels he has to go behind your back talk to male prostitutes to "talk" instead of being able to communicate with you. 2. Visiting sex workers is not ok in a marriage, regardless of their sex. and finally, 3. They were male prostitutes. Visiting female prostitutes would have been bad enough but now you have to question his sexuality.
But the decision is ultimately up to you, if you want this relationship to work then you should forgive him and both of you need to work hard to get things right again. I suggest you go to couples councelling as this is a pretty serious issue, you cannot get around the fact that they were males and this is something you will find it hard to forget unless you get to the bottom of what actually happened, and the best way to get him to talk about this will be through councelling.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): How sure are you that it was only talking? I just wonder, would a friend or councillor not have been a more obvious choice? I just find it quite odd that he thought to visit male prostitutes to talk to them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): It's sad that you are going to a tough time with him. I think he is lying. There would have been sex involved. Do not let him continue to lie. You should please get yourself checked for STI/STD's. "and he said he went because he could get emotional support from them that he couldn't get from me." Who goes to a prostitute for emotional support? It's all about the sex. Has your husband discovered that he is bi? You need to investigate this entire situation.
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