A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm writing in because I don't know how to cope with this situation, despite my job.I'm a social worker in my 40s, with a 13-year-old daughter, and I've been with my husband since he was 22, but married since we were 26.We live in Texas, but my husband applied for a job at Disney World in Florida and I'm concerned and upset over this.He'd been secretive for months and I thought he'd been having a cyber-affair due to his clandestine behavior and refusing to show me who he was talking to over Zoom (when it wasn't work stuff).Sounds like an over-reaction? Well, he didn't discuss it with me first, and I'm worried my job won't transfer over.I'm a social worker for adults with Down's Syndrome, been working in this field since 2008; my job couldn't be done at home so I was effectively unemployed. I didn't have the usual 9-5 or boss shouting at me, only the meetings with the clients, or "service users" to quote some of the jargon.My husband's been working in marketing since he was 26, and he enjoys his job. He was forced to work from home due to covid, but didn't enjoy that side of the job.He said he enjoyed that job, better than the lumber yard job he did in another state aged 18-22 before he met me.Onto the main problem; I'm usually better-informed about finances and big-picture stuff but my husband admitted he'd done this in secret, gone for interviews pre-pandemic and it took a long time to get him there.Usually we discuss about big-ticket items, savings, 401k, retirement, investments etc. but isn't this job going to be a big pay cut for him? Why would he have such secrecy about this job? It's a hella surprise to have.I don't know why he'd be this secretive when normally we discuss big-ticket items / finances and do compare-and-contrast lists.I've got a lot of worries about this, whether my job can transfer and my qualifications will go over or I'll have to re-train, I think my husband got starstruck by Disney. Not being mean about his job, but it's a comedown to end up working in a restaurant, basically for someone who's very highly-educated, but then again, a job is a job? I do enjoy my job, even though right now, it's not the best one in my career, but I'm looking for new opportunities in this field.I don't want to work flipping burgers in McDonald's, never done that sort of job in my life; I've worked at a bingo hall and it wasn't bad, but it didn't have much career progression. It was a nice job, but I couldn't do it forever.He told me he's got two jobs at Disney World as a cast member (employee) at Casey's Corner, a hot-dog stand and the 50s Prime Time Cafe. If you're a Disney World fan, you'll know what I mean. But, TBH, I haven't been for years, and our daughter's only really a casual fan of Disney stuff; she's more into Cartoon Network.I don't want to sound like a Karen moaning about job security, but I'm worried about my job more than his and the effect it'll have on my daughter giving up friends etc. and moving high school. It's not like my husband was unhappy with his job, he seemed happy until now AFAIK.This is new behavior for my husband; normally, he's very discussion and consensus-led, is this a sign of a midlife crisis? Is he becoming a LITERAL Disneyland Dad(joke here)?Should I be worried about this new job and things like the cost of living in Florida, well, Orlando etc.?I want to be happy for him, but can't, because I've got clients and work projects ongoing, even with mask mandates and covid etc.I feel like it's something I can't discuss with family or friends out of embrrassment and worry over finances.FWIW, I don't hate Disney, far from it... Frozen was cool (excuse my bad joke there) and I do watch re-runs of it, but it's my husband's secrecy that's the issue.I do love my husband but was I wrong to be paranoid about him having a cyber-affair?What's the best solution to resolve this whole thing before anything gets worse than it already is?Janna (pseudonym for privacy).
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female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (28 September 2021):
 I had a friend who worked in DIsney for a couple of years, while he was a college student, the pay was VERY LOW ( 9 to 11 dollars per hour depending on the role), his coworkers were mainly in their 20s and from other countries and working there to learn english, so I can see why you're disappointed. I myself once went through the disney hiring process because I wanted to spend some time in the US, well long story short I changed my mind because I'd rather be a guest in Disney than clean other people's vomit but the process takes months really, don't think he's covering up for anything. but the fact that he hid it from you is such a breach of trust. HOnestly if he's going to disney to earn 9/hr he can do the same in Texas.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 September 2021):
 Wish him luck and tell him you and your daughter aren't going.
This isn't realistic.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2021): Stay at where you can work.Your husband will not make enough at Disney as they pay low.Tell him if he must go by himself.He will never make enough to rent anywhere or even turn his bills on.A few years back a lady who worked there died from the heat because she lived in her car in the parking lot.Or he could live in the woods like a lot of them do.Rents here are crazy.He is living in a non existent dream world.Even if you also flipped burgers you could not afford the rents.I really do not think your daughter would be happy living in the woods do you.Be serious here and be the grownup.Stay put where you at least have a home.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (26 September 2021):
 Wow! I can't believe your husband made such a decision unilaterally and presented you with a fait accompli! He obviously worked on the premise that it is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
I can't help wondering if his new job will be all your husband dreams of. If I was to make a prediction, I would predict the "novelty" will wear off pretty quickly. Maybe not in the first month or the second, but I would be surprised if he is still as keen a year down the line.
Is there any possibility that he could go ahead to "test the waters", with the option of you and your daughter joining him IF it works out? In the meantime, you could continue with your life in Texas, in case he decides the new job (and life style) are not for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2021): I'd be more interested in WHY he felt the need to be secretive about this and has changed his usual behaviour of discussion and consensus.
The only reason he would change his behaviour that I can think of this radically, without talking to you about anything, is another woman.
Maybe there's someone he wants to be closer (geographically) to. Could he have met someone do you think? Has there been a possibility for that?
For a middle aged man to be content to work at a hot dog stand sounds bizarre. But as WiseOwle says, you don't have to go along with it. Let him carry on with his decision and all it entails, but I'd inform him that he was going on his own. You are not prepared or perhaps able, to uproot and transfer your work somewhere else and it's not a time to just uproot the children and disrupt their education either.
Can he really be that surprised that, on the back of a total surprise and a ludicrous situation, he doesn't automatically get your full support?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2021): Did he apply for this job to try and cover up an affair, knowing that you won’t let him take it? Did you accuse him of having an affair before he was suddenly offered this job? It seems very strange that he would want to move his family to a whole other state to work in a hotdog stand (albeit at Disney). He could just get a job in a restaurant somewhere near where you live now if that’s what he wants to do. Unless it has been his lifelong dream to work at Disney, I suggest you stick to your guns and tell him NO.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2021): If your spouse is being uncharacteristically secretive; and refuses to divulge whom he's communicating with. I would suppose the majority of women would assume he's having an affair. That wasn't such an unusual reaction. It's shady when your spouse is up to something they won't disclose. Whatever they're doing is likely to affect you somehow. Who wouldn't wonder what's going-on?
Evidently he anticipated the exact reaction he's getting. I don't think he should have made such a huge decision without discussing it with you. It completely upends the entire household. Where will you live? Can you afford a big move? Has he received confirmation of employment and a starting-date? He has to re-register your vehicle, transfer his license plates, find affordable housing, transfer your daughter to a school in Florida, and I'm quite unsettled about the political climate in the state of Florida.
He may have applied for the job, but who says you have to move just because he says so? He made a decision without your input, and that doesn't cancel your right to object.
What's happening to husband's these days? Is this the invasion of the body-snatchers in real-life??? Perhaps you should ask this man, what has he done with your husband?
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