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female
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*endi
writes: What should I do?My husband has decided that he just wants to be friends with me after 15 years of marriage! He says he loves me but he isn't "in love" with me. I am devastated.If we separate, is there a chance he will come to his senses and become the husband he once was? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2006): I've been married 25 years. My husband said this same thing to me, among other hurtful things. I think it's pretty common in long-term marriages for either the husband or the wife to wonder whether they still love their spouse. Get some marital counseling. If he won't go, then get some individual counseling for yourself as it is very hard for a wife to sit by and hear these things uttered by the person who is supposed to be most loyal to her and who she is supposed to be able to put her trust in.
I believe there is a chance he will come to his senses. I separated from my husband twice. The first time, he left and I just cried and begged him to come home. He relented after four months. But he wasn't happy still. Two years later, broken hearted, I'd had enough of his fence stitting and asked him to leave and asked for no contact from him as I needed to sort things out. I meant waht I said. I did not accept his calls or respond to email he sent. He couldn't stand the no contact. It was one week before he "accidentally" ran into me and literally sobbed and begged to come home so the shoe was on the other foot. I did let him come home, and he has been a changed man ever since.
If you decide to separate, insist on no contact so you both get a real taste of what life is like without each other. That should help him and you to decide what you both want once and for all.
A
female
reader, wendi +, writes (5 September 2006):
wendi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThese two pieces of advice are excellent! You are good writers with extremely competent advice. I know what I have to do. If I didn't have two young children, the decision would be much easier. Thanks again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): sweetheart, im so sorry to hear about this...but its true, you need to look after you first....really if and when he comes to his senses do you really even want him back????how would this leave you feeling about YOU/
You are a wonderful soul with a wealth of experience , he is a lost fool and will go to his grave knowing that.
You cxan find peace and contentment in being you, in knowing that you gave and he took, in realiseing you wouldnt want to be him (he must be terribly hateful of himself at a spiritual level for what he is doing) Hold you head high, do whatever it takes to learn to love the most important person in the world YOURSELF I garantee you that when you arrive at this point you will no longer want him back...in fact you will wish him contentment and appreciate your true worth.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2006): HI, I really feel for you mine had just done it afther 25yrs
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male
reader, CRS698 +, writes (3 September 2006):
 Hi Wendi,
This could be a 'mid-life' crisis for your husband, but it isnt fair to you to wait and see if he comes to his senses sometime in the future. Change only happens if the person wants to change, not because another person wants them to change.
After 15 years it would be a massive wrench to walk away but you need to look after yourself first, ask yourself: What do I want? Is just being friends going to give me what i want and need? Where do i want to be in my future?
I hope this helps and you get to where you want to be.
XX
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