A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I am a mother of 3 wonderful children. My husabnd and I have been married for over 10 years. I love him dearly. Recently he has asked for "space." Claims his job and our marital issues are overwhelming him. Says he loves me but doesn't have romantic feelings towards me. When I ask why? It sounds like he has alot of resentment about past conflicts that we have had. He says I've hurt him and he feels alot of anger towards me. To be clear, infidelity is not an issue. He struggles with communicating and never told me how he was feeling but apparently he has felt this way for several years. We've been going to therapy but as I mentioned, he really struggles with being open emotionally so I dont feel we are benefiting. He doesnt want a divorce and wants to see if living apart will help him miss me and have more positive feelings about me. Has anyone gone through this? Any insight?
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male
reader, InstallerLife +, writes (17 March 2019):
He's not fully committed to fixing the marriage if he isn't opening up about his feelings and what's really bothering him. Communication is key to the success of any relationship and that will include full disclosure! Hiding his feelings is causing more damage to the relationship and causing his feelings of resentment to get worse.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2019): Hello there. I have just gone though a separation from my partner. I left with our teenage daughter due to his mental abuse and the effect it had on my daughter.What this separation gave me was the time to see the situation clearly. A safe and comfortable environment for myself and daughter to recover and heal from it all. Before I left though, I made sure all of our accounts were separated, bills on my part were paid then cancelled all direct debits. I knew he would threaten me with money if I mentioned that I was leaving so I never told him. I got a place, set it up for both of us then moved out. He still threatened that he wouldn't be a father to my daughter but I didn't care about that. My daughter was the priority.In your case it is your husband that is requesting the separation. Give him what he wants without any expectations. But it has to be a legal separation, you have children he still needs to support and bills in your current home he needs to cover. Then lets see if he still wants to leave. This will cover you in the long run in case he chooses not to return. That way you won't have a legal battle on your hands.He says he does not have romantic feelings for you anymore. This will not change once he leaves. This will make it easier for him to move on to someone else. Hence why the separation should be legal in case he does cheat.As soon as I left, the sense of relief I had that I no longer had to sleep beside a man I no longer loved was great. I no longer had to spill energy into something so toxic and gave my daughter a healthy environment to thrive in which she has. You husband may find relief in living apart from you which is not nice to hear but coud be a possibility.For you, give him what he wants but you do want you want also. It will be very difficult to begin with but you'll bounce back quicker than you think and may find that you can recognise all the bad things in the relationship.Good luck hon. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2019): Of course he does not want a divorce. Then he would actually have to pay child and maybe spouse support.It is all about him being cheap and not wanting to pay what he should.He told you where he stands divorce him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 February 2019):
 Sometimes a trial separation is what can move these kind of broken marriage forward, to either a divorce OR reconciliation.
I would, however, MAKE it a LEGAL separation. And I would set up some ground rules as well. Like, NO dating other people in this period, him spending time with the kids xx amount of hours a week, budget needs to be fixed etc. etc.
And then YOU decide HOW long you will try this separation for. Let's say 5-8 months. After that time, it's either reconcile or divorce.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2019): Excuse me?!! It's not just his decision whether you should divorce. He doesn't want the expense of a divorce; or the inconvenience of going through court-ordered child-support, alimony, and spousal asset-division. It's cheaper to keep her! Divorces are expensive.
If he wants to live apart, he needs a divorce. You don't just up one day and decide to move-out of your family-home; and leave your kids behind. What are they to think?
Maybe the therapy isn't working, and he's trying to take the easy way out. If he moves out, it's an unofficial-divorce or abandonment. Take your pick. How will you deal with finances and child-support? You're just going to take his word for it?
Sorry about his hurt and resentment; but moving-out without a divorce won't cut it. You might say or think there's no infidelity; but it certainly appears he has something waiting in the wings, if you ask me.
For the protection of his family, he could file for a legal separation; but get your debts, credit, and assets in order in the meantime. Lawyer-up, he might already have one!
One foolish move, and you'll find yourself broke and homeless. Maybe battling for child-custody!
Get separate bedrooms, as MSA suggests.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (18 February 2019):
 Not sure about living apart as in two separate locations. Maybe try separate bedrooms? I heard of something that actually worked for a couple. They slept/lived in separate bedrooms. Whenever one wanted space, they will go back into their room and close the door. Neither is allowed to enter the other's bedroom without consent. They would arrange weekly dinner/movie dates. The guy would knock on the girl's bedroom door to pick her up for the date. After the date, he would drop her off in front of her room door.. they can invite each other into their room for intimacy, but will have to leave and cannot stay over night. This created a sense of dating and getting to know each other all over again. After several months, they were able to reignite their relationship.Sometimes, resentment, anger, hurt takes a long time to get over.. give him some time.
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