A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,It's a bit long but please be patient with me.I'm currently dating a restaurant owner for almost a month. We met a supermarket and he took courage to ask me out on a date. We really hit it off after the first date and continue seeing each other ever since. Although he is 10 years older than me (i'm 25 and he is 35), it didn't really feel like we are that much different. The biggest issue is he constantly has to work, take care of his restaurant, and deal with financial crisis. We don't really do normal dates like others. We got brunch together or eat at his place on some weekends. I will visit him at his restaurant after school (I'm graduating in a few months) and go back to/stay over at his place on week days or weekends. I already met some of his friends and we all hanged out at a nice bar whenever him and I are free. We text each other every day or no later than 3 days. Everything seems genuine about this guy and we both like each other a lot. But here are some concerns one of my friend brought up:- financial/work problem. he is constantly struggle with money. It means that we won't be able to travel together,, go to any major events, or go anywhere too far out until he settles/manages his financial situation. - age difference. I don't mind it at all but my friend thinks it's weird an older man is dating someone who's much younger than him. My friends also wonders why he wants to date me knowing he's stuck with his current lifestyle/work. I'm just curious how you think about this. - if the relationship get serious. We haven't talked about being exclusive yet because it is still a bit early and his current financial situation is a big issue. We both know we're not dating anyone else. But if we do want to be together, what we both have to anticipate and work on to make our relationship works? - Sacrifice. My friend thinks that I'm making too much sacrifice for this relationship and suggest I should move on and date someone who's more stable and organized with his life. So far I just accept that fact he has too much responsibilities taking care of every little on his own for his business. I understand it is not easy for him so I really don't expect or ask much from him. I'm also busy with school work and project. Everything sort of works out for us, for now. I know I have to (and already) adjust part of my life and schedule to meet with him. So far it works. It just a shame that we cannot go on any regular dates anymore. We just have to find a little bit time for each other to catch up while running errands together. This is the first time I have ever had this issue. I honestly don't know what to do or think. All I know is I like him and there are challenges standing in between us right now. I need some relationship advises or guidances and just want to know how y'all think about this situation. Greatly appreciate it!
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female
reader, Sweet Dreamer xxx  +, writes (19 February 2019):
 Firstly please stop listening to your friends and start listening to your own feelings! Secondly if you are both happy what is the problem with an age gap, my step mother is ten years younger than my father and I've never met a couple happier, age is just a number. As for your questions, my partner is a chef and when we first started dating we struggled to do things together because of the hours he would work, but we made it because we cherished the moments we did get to spend together and like you we made the effort to talk through messages when we knew we would not be able to see one another. My studies keep me busy during his busy times and as for money sadly that is the hospitality industry. You mention a lot of negatives about him but is he doing the job because it is a passion of his? If that is so, then it is a good thing that he is willing to put so much of himself into something he is passionate about, it means he will do that same for you too. As for travelling, is it something you both are interested in doing or just yourself and assumed he wants to travel too? If it is something you both want to do then have a little trust in him to find a way to afford it. As you have said yourself, it is not serious yet so if you are asking all these questions then maybe it is not working out for you anyway. Have you talked to him about your concerns? I think you need to consider your own dreams and talk to him about how you both will work them into your life together, if you can't find a way then maybe its time to call it quits. Good luck I hope I helped x
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 February 2019):
 One thing that is usually true, is that whatever issues or challenges you have when you START OUT dating someone is usually the thing/issue/challenge that ends it too.
It SEEMS like you are doing ALL the footwork and all the orbiting here. YOU are the one ADJUSTING to HIS schedule, his life, his work. YOU are the one who shows up at HIS restaurant or place so you two CAN spend time together.
He really doesn't have to invest much time or effort in you/the relationship.
His priority is undoubtedly his restaurant and getting it back on it's feet. You come WAY down the list of priorities, and he is second for you (after your school).
So overall, the relationship is uneven.
He might be an AWESOME guy. Running a restaurant is a huge risk, LOT of hours and hours of work, then on top of that there are the staff, maintenance etc. etc.
You might not ask or expect much if ANYTHING from him, but it's also early days. When you are more established and you are STILL running the same routine - you adjusting to HIS life/schedule, when friends go on holidays, or parties and you will have to either go solo if you can go at all.
At some point, catching up when running errands will just not suffice or fulfill your needs.
You can either try it on for another month or two or walk away and try someone with a bit less complicated life.
Do you two have things in common otherwise? It's EASY to get along with someone if you don't really spend THAT much time together. Some people just gel and play it by ear and it works for them, for others it doesn't.
I think you have to consider what you REALLY want out of a relationship. And then take a look at the two of you and decide if what YOU would want is something he CAN give.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2019): I worked in a restaurant part time during my university years so I know how hard and consuming is restaurant running. You have to accept that your entire life is dedicated to the restaurant. Your normal work day starts early in the morning and goes till midnight everyday seven days a week during which you have to be on your toes all the time. But of course this hectic endeavor has also fantastic rewards if you are successful. So you have to accept that you dont have the lexury of dating or having an evening out like normal people. IMO the age difference is not that crucial but you have to anticipate what I have explained and decide if you are ready for it or if you can be part of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2019): Your Challenges are big to you, as you are still young, maybe just not ready for settling down yet. If you want to globe trot, then I would leave this one alone, and be young.Now 35, is also young on the scale of life and age, but he is trying to make his business work, so you may not get the full attention you crave or deserve and will have to take second seat in his ambitions.All depends what you want to do with your life, we are only young once and we need to do everything we want to do and if we can't do it 'with' a significant other, then do it alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2019): Listen to your friend. She's on the money! She's very wise!
If you see a list of issues and obstacles going-in, why would you jump in anyway? If you can easily see jagged-rocks close to the surface in the water below; would you still dive from the cliff?
You can't always help who you like or feel attracted to; but you also have to use common-sense, if you know there are too many obstacles that are standing in the way that will not let it work. You should clearly see the probability of a serious relationship going wrong. If your friend can see it, why can't you?
Money-problems are the most serious of challenges; and can be detrimental to relationships of all kinds. A failing business demands serious attention; and you can't afford to be distracted. Your very livelihood and income is on the line! The bills and employees have to be paid! Unless they survive purely on tips; which they won't get many of in a failing restaurant.
The stress and the tension takes its toll. He'll feel pressured to do things for you that he can't afford. His time will be absorbed by one problem at the restaurant after another. You'll feel neglected and under-appreciated.
You'll find yourself making so many personal-sacrifices that you'll start to feel he's holding you back. Then resentment can creep-in on either side. He's struggling; while you want to do "frivolous" things requiring money. You have very little experience dealing with male-pride and our egos.
You'll want to travel and explore; while enjoying your youth. While he's trying to be practical, run his business, and stay within budgetary-constraints. Survival of his livelihood will take priority! He needs a financial-planner and a restaurant-consultant to help him to re-organize his failing restaurant; and to develop a working financial-plan. He should keep a serious-relationship on the back-burner for now. Especially with someone so young and inexperienced about the world and survival.
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