A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Maybe you can help me out.My husband was involved in many affairs in the past that I never knew about and was abusive. When he did tell me during a emotional breakdown I was already having, it threw me into a very messed up state of mind that I almost didn't survive from.In the midst of this, a friend of his becomes friends with me and slowly we become involved. He is also married.Eventually my Husband finds out and all sh-- hits the fan.I do all I can to hold him back from hurting this man, all the while my husband is informing me that this guy is bad news, then I find out he had atleast four other women he was involved with. Then he tells people we know and my husband that I initiated everything and I was the one who was calling him etc.... this after he already told me to call him so his # wouldn't show on my records.He basically used me and lied about everything.I went into shock at this point and my husband was there and tried to help me.He wants our marriage to work out and now decides he loves me sooo much and all this....I am numb still after all this time has gone by and just don't want to ever be intimate with anyone ever again. I can't seem to get over feeling so violated.got any input on this one?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): Thank you for the responses. I have thought about what you have said and appreciate the feed back.
I am taking time like you said and have been able to realize some things.
The hard part is trying to avoid a battle when they won't let you go.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (5 May 2008):
 Hi,
I'm sorry but I don't see how getting back with your husband will make things better for you.
Judging from your post, where it was hard to tell who was doing what to whom, you are very upset and confused.
I think you should have major doubts about your husband's motivations. He has only wanted to get back with you after knowing that you slept with someone else. Controlling types are like this, they cannot stand to see thier spouse doing what they do. It is too much for their fragile egos.
Basically, your husband wants you back under his control, its just a question of whether you can stand future infidelity and abuse yourself? You know he won't change, but he will certainly expect you to remain faithful to him. Sounds like a crap deal if you ask me.
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A
female
reader, sue88  +, writes (3 May 2008):
Take your time and dont rush this is your marraige what is suppost to be till death. If he aint the one for you get out and move on its only fair on you and him. You do need to be sure so take a bit time away and decide at your own pace.
You say he was involved in many affairs. I say everyone deserves a second chance but not a third fourth and fifth etc. Abusive? right how abusive? dont make up excuses for him if he lifted his hands to you on more than 1 occasion whats to think about. leave. Who is he to do that. Sorry to anyone if i sound harsh but i can only speak from my experience and girl go, run.
What kind of future can you have. You no this man probably better than anyone else, will he cheat on you again? will he really realise what he's got? My opinion is to go but its not that easy is it, my advise is take your time have a long hard think and do what you know is best.
I wish you all the luck and that you find your answers soon
Sue
x
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