A
female
age
51-59,
*razymarriage
writes:My husband of 8 months wants to take me to Los Vegas to have sex at a BROTHEL. I am not sure why he stated that during sex. There is nothing I have said or done to make him think I am into threesomes. He brought this up during sex which now makes me feel like he wants either someone else or something new. Ever since this has happen I lost the desire to have sex. I feel like he has lost all interest in me. I know I like having different toys during sex just to spice things up but nothing would suggest I would do this. I am one of those rare women you love sex and would have it 3 times a day, everyday. (that is due to me being so in love with my husband and being so attracted to him) I know my husband is older than me, I have to understand him being older he can't go like I can. So I do not complain, I wait for him to ask for sex then we do. I feel if I did complain he would think he isn't enough man for me. But now I don't want sex at all. Just the thought of him wanting to share something so special with someone else makes me feel like he only wants another women. Even his behavior has changed. (which was a couple of weeks before this) I know his exwife would do this with him and also he wasn't in love with her. Even she told me he stayed because of the kids. So is that where we are at or is he cheating on me. We have lived together for 4 years, married for 8 months what has happen to the relationship. Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): Im having sex for the first time with two hookers for my own personal reasons but they dont belong in a brothel...in fact, I am for damn sure a one man one woman guy and if I ever heard that from my wife or if my wife ever heard that from me, Id outright be offended like you miss. Youre not ovverreacting here. You have a legitimate concern. In the middle of sex, I hear (lol but havent experienced obviously yet) that men have fantasies and chances are he was thinking of one right then and there. If he talks to have that sort of thing get him off that could be okay, but if he acts on it then thats trouble as it suggests perhaps, like you said, other desires for women. Youre special. He should know this and not disrespect you in such a way. Something is definitely driving his desire. Media most likely or his buddies chatting it up. I wouldnt rule out pornography. If he sees you dont want sex, then he'll prob be more apt to look at it. This isnt your fault, its his and in all honesty I look at as a form of punishment as nothing compares to actually doing it with a great woman such as yourself. Definitely approach him gently and ask where he got such an idea. Hopefully he'll be honest and then you guys can go from there, compromise maybe, and settle things. Best to you on this. I feel your frustration.
A
male
reader, turbine  +, writes (2 October 2010):
Your husband is a crazy freak. He doesn't deserve a nice woman like you. One can have wild fantasies but in real life one can't live like cats and dogs. Sex with multiple partners is like doing it like cats and dogs. There has to be some difference between animals and a human being from a civilized society. Tell him to get rid of his 'wild' fantasies and live like a normal person because these things will also affect your children.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): I think it's quite sexy to have sex in a brothel... I would love to.. and las vegas is cool
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 You've said he's older, so that could be 'mid-life crisis' talking, although since you're in a relatively new relationship that should have taken some of the edge off.
Did you know about this before you married? When did his ex tell you about this stuff?
Ideally you could talk to him and learn what exactly it is that's driving the desire. Maybe it's an old coping mechanism for something -- a 'habit', as it were, for dealing with some need. If you can find out what the need is, maybe there's a more constructive way to deal with it?
It goes without saying that you shouldn't do anything you're not comfortable with, and it's pretty clear this is way outside your comfort zone. If he's adamant that you have to do this, then it's a deal breaker, and no fault of yours. Hopefully you can get into his head before it comes to that.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 Have you talked to him about it? If he is persistent in his requests even after you tell him how uncomfortable and hurt you are by it, then it is best to end this marriage. It may seem drastic but you said it yourself that even his behavior towards you has changed and I am assuming that it has changed in more negative ways.
Personally, I would find that sort of request disrespectful, simply because of the sleazy connotations it has, what does that say about how he sees you? Be cautious and be wary. Talk to him and see how it goes. I hope all goes well and I hope that it is just a passing phase because you sound like a wonderful wife who is being treated with less respect than you deserve.
I hope that helps.
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