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My husband wants me to dump my friend!!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 August 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 17 August 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

So two years ago, when my husband was just my boyfriend back in the day, we both had this friend, "Angel" something happened and she ended up threatening to beat up my husbands two younger sisters. Right from the get go of that incident I told each and every single one of them that I did not want to be involved whatsoever, I told my husband that I was still going to hang out with Angel cause she never did anything to me, and at the time he said that was fine but he wasn't going to hang out anymore and I said that was fine. Well now we're married and Im still hanging out with Angel and my husband is threatening me with divorce if I continue to do so, first off, I think he should get over it because it was two frickin years! and nothing happened, it was just a threat. I understand where he is coming from that is his family, but I should have the freedom to choose my own friends, like I said I told him from the get-go that I wanted nothing to do with it. so my question is to you married people, am I in the wrong for wanting to hang with Angel? or should I stop because my husband wants me to?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010):

Normally I'd agree that you have the right to choose your own friends... HOWEVER put yourself in your husbands shoes what if it was one of his friends that had threatened to beat up your younger sisters and then your husband kept being friends with the idiot.

If your friend still wants to be able to hang out with you she must go an apologise to your husband and his sisters. If they accept her apology then it should all be a thing of the past.... otherwise you'll have to get rid of the friend... your husband and his family come first.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (17 August 2010):

dirtball agony auntNow that you're married, your husband's family is your family too. The threats Angel gave were to YOUR sisters. I don't believe that anyone has the right to tell someone else who they can or cannot be friends with, however when in a committed relationship, if the justification seems sound, it is worth considering. Like eyeswideopen said: Who's more important to you?

Like it or not, you're involved because you're married to the conflict. You have to decide which relationship you value more.

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A female reader, OhGetReal United States +, writes (17 August 2010):

OhGetReal agony auntI think your friend Angel sounds like a flippin' low class Tavern Whore who wants to beat women's asses and take what's theirs....I see her on the Jerry Springer shoe taking her shoe off and throwing at another woman she's fighting with over a man.

I don't blame your husband, you are influenced by your friends whether you want to admit it or not, you already have a similar world view as Angel, you're willing to throw a shoe at your husband to fight for a low class woman since she's never done anything to you.

She's demonstrated her character, she has the potential for violence and that means that it is there towards you, too, if she so decides.

Your allegiance in a marriage should be to your husband. If you love him then you will respect his feelings about this and he may just be right. If he doesn't try to control you on your choice of more normaly intelligent friends, then I'd say he has an issue with this one friend and for good reason.

Grow up.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (17 August 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntNooo, Tell ur husband he cant pick and choose ur friends, u are not in the middle of this threat that happened 2 years ago, it was silly and now its in the past so let it stay there. I think its rather ridiculous he's threatening divorce over that..he needs to focus more on ur marriage than worrying about other people. If he wants to divorce u over u being friends with a chick that made a silly threat 2 years ago then my friend he is not mature enough to be married.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (17 August 2010):

eyeswideopen agony auntWho's more important to you?

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