A
female
age
41-50,
*ovember04
writes:My husband and I have been married for 6 years and he has always had this fantasy of watching me with another man. Before I've always said no and he never pressured me, just dropped hints every now and then. But this year I've started to indulge him with his fantasy during our lovemaking (pretending he was someone else, etc) and I enjoyed it very much and our sex life has been fantastic since. About a month ago I hired a personal trainer in my gym, he was of different race and when I told my husband he got so turned on by the idea of me and my PT. I didn't feel anything about my PT at first, it didn't even cross my mind but ever since my husband put those seeds of thoughts into my head, I started to see him differently and lately I've been lusting over him like crazy and I've started really considering making my husband's fantasy come true. I told my husband how I'm feeling and he's very happy that I finally found somebody I'm attracted to physically and he's really urging me to do this with my PT because he knows I'm very picky about our third partner. So what I'm looking for is some sharing or advice, hopefully positive, from couples who've been there, like how to keep it from getting messy, how to ask the other person and how to handle feelings that might surface from the encounter, etc.Thank you very much beforehand.
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male
reader, hotwifeloverxxx  +, writes (21 October 2010):
As you posted this a few weeks ago perhaps you've crossed that line already. Congratulations if so.Here's something I've posted elsewhere that might help put your mind at ease about doing this:There is a very simple primal answer to why your husband enjoys this so. Sperm Competition Syndrome. All men are born with it.Before the church and modern morals females were free to mate with as many males as they cared to. It was good for the species, whether the female's mate liked it or not.According to the former editor of Penthouse Forum, the number one story, desire and fantasy that flooded their mailboxes was the desire on the part of men to see their wives or girlfriends with another man. It's very common, yet such a taboo that few will admit to having the fantasy.The reason it turns on so many millions and theoretically billions of men around the world is quite simple and biological. Sperm competition syndrome is triggered when a man or other primate sees his partner with another man, is told of it, suspects it. It can even occur when he is absent from her for the briefest period of time. If sperm competition syndrome has been triggered, the man will have an orgasm 3 times stronger than usual, his pelvic thrusts will be 3 times as hard when he next has sex with his partner. And he will want to immediately. There's one simple explanation for this: he wants to make sure the baby is his.This desire has nothing to do with a man's masculinity, sexuality or psychology. It is primal, plain and simple. It's also a very powerful fantasy that once triggered is very difficult to suppress, as it is biological and not psychological. I've heard many men say it was like a light switch going on that couldn't be turned off ever again.Many men are fine with keeping this fantasy to themselves, but most will find themselves eventually asking their wives to explore the fantasy. And far too many of them are consumed with self loathing, for they genuinely love their wives and cannot understand why the idea of seeing them with another man would turn them on. The sooner they understand the origin of that the less they need to wonder why on earth they want this.A search of the subject on any tube site will bring thousands of results of home videos going back to the stone age of VHS. You will see the girl next door, or more often the mother or grandmother next door generally having a pretty good time indulging in their partners' fantasies, often with men of color. Good luck to you both.
A
female
reader, november04 +, writes (1 October 2010):
november04 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for answering. Initially I did think the best way to do this is with a total stranger, but I simply didn't find one that I was attracted to. And now that I think about it, this is even better, my PT is in a way a stranger, he's not a friend, but he's someone that I'm comfortable with. The only problem is I don't know how to bring it up, I've only known him for a month, he seems nice enough, but I still can't tell wether he's interested in something more.
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A
male
reader, turbine  +, writes (30 September 2010):
It's a very weird request and your husband has an abnormal fetish. Long term implications of such kind of sex would be of disturbing nature. Imagine your children getting to know such kind of a thing?? Tell your husband to have normal demands.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (30 September 2010):
 Since I've been 'referred' I guess I have to answer.
There have actually been some very helpful responses in the past on this subject. I suggest searching by tags for "3somes" and similar subjects on the site. There was even one guy who had described in reasonable details about his experience and the eventual impact it had on his relationship. (not good)
Since I've never been in a serious relationship I can't really tell you much about what may happen if you go through with this. I've sometimes been inthe second girl in a FFM with a married couple and...it wasn't all that nice. Apart from it being awkward in some cases, a certain amount of insecurity inevitably sets in. In your case it may be for the guy, in my case I found the wife/girlfriend always had regrets later and worried about whether she had done the right thing. Whether this was because she feared I was better sexually or simply the fact that a third person had been introduced, I don't know but the fact is that it happened and that's led me to flat-out refusing to be a part of a 3some involving a committed couple.
If you do still choose to go through with it I can only recommend keeping it very safe and discreet - be certain that the person you are inviting will not be talking about it to anyone else and is healthy and uses a condom. If need be, insist on an STD test. Approaching him would depend on your equation with him obviously. If you do normally speak about personal matters it's a matter of leading up to it gently and placing the request.
Again, I reiterate that it's not something to be done lightly. It's easy for someone like me to seperate sex from emotions but it won't be for most people. Think it over...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): This is more common than most might think it's just not something people talk about. Before you do it you need to set some bounderies. I would suggest that you not involve someone that you see on a routine basis. That usually leads to trouble because the temptation to break your rules is always present. You need to be absolutely sure that you can keep your emotions in check and keep this strictly sexual.
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