A
female
age
41-50,
*origuti
writes:My husband and i took the kids out to dinner on a saturday night. We had a great family dinner and then headed home. On our way home he stops at a local grocery store. The kids and I stay in the car. The kids decide that they would like to give their dad their father's day gifts that night and I say okay. As we are planning it out his son (my step son) says that he already gave his dad his gift. I asked him what it was and he said his mother (my husbands ex-gf never a wife) gave him $200.00 cash to go buy a new cell phone. Needless to say I was pissed. He came back and we went home and the argument started. He said it was not wrong to take the money and besides she just gave him his child support money back so technically it was his money. I left the house for a while and when I returned he was more mad and decided to take his son home. Which is a forty five minute drive from where we live. He said he gave the money back to his son to give to his mother. He also mentioned that I had no right interferring with him and his son. I'm still confused why he took him home. The next day father's day he got up and got dressed and dissappeared the entire day. We had no idea where he went. He came home around 8:00pm and started another fight with me and this time he punched me and left. The kids and I haven't seen him since. It's been two weeks and no one has seen him. He has called his mom twice but that's it. I have called his job looking for him and they informed me that he quit. Now I sit here with no money for the kids, a mortage that is past due, and electric and water bills that are needing to be paid. o-yeah did I mention that he took nothing with him all his clothes are here, even his most prized possesions. He took nothing with him. How long do I wait or do I even wait? I have changed the locks to the house and packed up his stuff. Is that the wrong thing? The kids were crying everyday but this week has been a better week. I;m just so confused. I wish I had answers. Someone help me with your opinions?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): Your stepson gave his father a gift with money he got from his mother. That sounds pretty reasonable to me and I think you had absolutely no right to interfere. Not only did you spoil Father's Day for the father, but you spoiled it for his son, who was probably very proud of his gift and may end up feeling guilty about it instead. Not to mention your own children. All this ruckuss over a gift from son to father.
Your husband was totally out of line in hitting you and I agree with the others that it sounds like trouble has been brewing for some time.
Changing the locks and gathering up his things after being assaulted and two weeks of no contact seems reasonable to me. The fact that he didn't take any person effects is of some concern though. Either he is confident he'll be able to retreive the items later or he doesn't think he'll need them again. The latter might suggest suicide. That might be dramatic but I can't think of any reason why someone wouldn't take even basic necessities.
Reach out to family and seriously consider some kind of therapy for yourself. Speak to your local church as well since they may be able to provide some kind of emergency aid or at least steer you to a group who can.
And speak to an attorney. Many offer a free half hour consultation. Make the most of it by having as many questions prepared ahead of time. In case you're thinking of bringing someone along for moral support beware that you would be jeopardizing attorney/client confidentiality. A lawyer cannot be compelled to breach privacy, but someone you bring can be called to testify as to what they heard or saw during your consultation.
You'll get through this.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (5 July 2011):
 Wow...
I am not sure where he might've gone to, but it sounds like you are in danger. If he punched you, I'd probably have called and filed a police report that night, so you'd have it on record. If he has been missing for two weeks, I'd perhaps contact the police and file a missing police report. I'd also try and contact his parents, his ex, or any of his friends.
This doesn't bode well. I do agree, that the source of the gift his son gave him was probably none of your business and what you did was probably a little rash. However, it does take two to set boundaries, especially with exes, and usually a civilized conversation can sort that stuff out without resorting to what you went through.
I am curious though, if there was more than this isolated incident that precipitated this event? Usually guys don't sock their women and run off unless there has been a storm brewing. If this has been brewing, I think at this point, you need to seriously consider what you are doing with this violent man and if you wouldn't be better off without him.
Has he been drinking? Using drugs? Have mental issues? These are other things that could explain his rash behavior.
At this point, I recommend seeing a counselor, a pastor or a therapist so you can sort out the issues and help identify what set off your husband and how better to avoid situations like what you got yourself into. If he does come back home, I recommend that you also include him in your meetings as I think there is WAY more going on than what you put in your original posting.
In the meantime, with the bills past due, I'd encourage you to seek help from family to help keep you afloat until he surfaces or start considering what you will do next if he disappears for good.
Wishing you a good turn of events...
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (5 July 2011):
 First off, good for you in changing the locks and packing his things. This obviously is not a healthy relationship.He hit you. You said it so casually, does this happen often? This is not okay. He left you brokenhearted and alone to take care of bills and children, he is being completely inconsiderate.Taking money from his ex girlfriend is eh, iffy but nothing to get so enraged about. There was obviously something else boiling up underneath the surface that caused this outburst. Really, though, his son wanted to get him something nice for father's day. Where else is he supposed to get the money but from his mother?That isn't even relevant though, he seems to have a lot more issues than being mad at you about that silly gift. No one in their right minds would disappear for two weeks because of $200.This is just the view I get from reading this though. I wish you the best of luck.
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A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (5 July 2011):
 I am not sure what kind of opinion you are looking for. It sounds to me like you need compassion. I suggest you seek some moral support from any place you can find it. A church, a therapist, a friend. You and especially your children, are going to need to learn to deal with this trauma, and you are going to need help with that.As for what happened to him, it sounds like he felt he had a lot of pressure on him, and he cracked. If he hit you once already, it sounds like he did you a favor by leaving your life. I'm not sure I agree with your anger over the money, but his reaction is not in line with that at all. It sounds like he was a man at the end of his rope. You might want to hire an attorney at this point and start putting your ducks in a row, so you have some legal ground to stand on when the mortgage folks come knocking. Find help someplace beyond the internet. You need real live people helping you. Go find them. They are out there. Good Luck to you.
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