A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married 15 years and it has been rocky but I am working on me and fixing me and letting him do what he needs to do and we are doing better. But I still am working on some jealousy issues. He has 5 lady friends he likes to talk to daily and 2 of them he obsesses over and has pictures of them on the computer. We have talked about it and how it makes me feel and he sometimes get defensive and says they are friends and they have been there for him when I haven't in the past and he admitted he needs them and wants them. He tells me I need to be more secure and not worry about it, stop comparing and stop making it a competition. Well I have been trying and it is hard. Last week he admitted he finds me less attractive and I know he is attracted to his 2 obsessions. One of them is pretty but the other one he works with is kinda manly. But what really gets me is he told me he likes to do a daily check on on his 5 lady friends and see how they are doing and talks to them off and on all day. But he never askes me how I am doing. Should I stop telling him how I am feeling and doing since I am assuming I do it every day? Is he not asking cause he doesn't care or am I telling him too much. I feel like not saying anything about how I am doing or feeling and see if he askes. I figure he will ask if he cares and wants to know since he cares enough to ask them. Am I being wrong or childish? Am I talking and telling him he doesn't want to here and care about?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): All these women are single but 2 of them are lesbians. They are really nice and I have met them. Obviously I'm not worried about them and the other girl doesn't date white guys but the other 2 are hard tk deal with. They are single also. One of them lives a couple hours away so they just talk an the other one who he admits he has obsessed about and what I have seen when he texted one of the other girls I the co worker I a crush and he gets messed up in the head when he sees her. That was a couple years ago and we had a fight about her and he says he is working on it but I don't know how he is if he talks to her basically every day and they will go to a move once and a while. They only go to the movie and he comes right home and he doesn't hide it and he askes if he can go.
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (13 February 2013):
 You husband is CHEATING on you with 5 other women and I am sure if you had to do some digging you would find out that over the years there have been lots more.Two ways to do this, either put up with his behaviour or else kick him off the fence.If you put up with his behaviour you will always have these issues, he will always blame you for the broken-ness which he has inside of him. this is NOT your fault.If you decide to kick him off the fence, start by finding yourself a lawyer who can advise you on your situation, then TELL him that you are no longer going to put up with his bad behaviour, so either he goes NO CONTACT with all these women, giving you passwords to all accounts, as well as having a keylogger installed on his computer, and access to all his mobile accounts, and that this is NOT NEGOTIABLE.If this does not suit him and I suspect he is just loving the life he is leading, then file for divorce.Unless he makes drastic changes with the help of a Marriage Counsellor then he definitely does not deserve you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2013): I think you need to ask yourself why he is even still married to you. It sounds like he doesn't need you. Are his lady friends married and thus unavailable to him to be in a real relationship and that's why he is with you? That is what it sounds like. No you and him will never get closer because he already has his emotional needs filled by them and he finds that so rewarding that he feels no pull towards you. Be wary if he isn't also sleeping with them.In a way I admire his honesty. He was honest in letting you know where you stand in his life. That is better than hiding his girlfriends from you and sneaking around behind your back to see them. You have the information that you are not his priority. That is just honestly how he feels and cutting his girlfriends out of his life (not that he would do it for you but just saying if he did) would not change that. Then ask yourself then what are your options? why is he married to you? It sounds like he is using you for something, again maybe to pass the time when they are not available.
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A
male
reader, Funluvver +, writes (13 February 2013):
You are letting him dump on you as an attempt to hold it together. Your intentions are pure and you have a good heart, but you seem naive. Men do not have female friends. At least not those they talk to daily on a personal basis. I suspect your instincts are correct. He is either gay or has something going on with at least one of these women.
You deserve someone who attends to you and wants to be with you more than anyone else. If I were in your spot, I would find a safe moment and lay down the law of what marriage means to you, and how you expect he acts. Unfortunately, you need to prepare for that to end badly, as most men do not wat to change their behavior.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2013): Yes they know he has pics of them. The girls sent them to him. The one that looks more manly had decent pics b they are some old pics of her when she was younger and one of them he took home self when they worked together at the firehouse and she was in her fire gear.
The other girl sent sexy pics of her in a bra and underwear.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 February 2013):
 I would be crazed if my husband did this. the fact that he gets defensive indicates to me that he knows he's wrong.
I agree that if you want to stay married to him (and for the life of me I can't imagine why you want to stay with a man who says you are not attractive to him and he cares more about 5 other women than he does about his wife) you must go to couples counseling. IF HE REFUSES TO GO... get some counseling yourself so you can stand up for yourself and grow more strong and leave him.
the fact that he tells you he's doing this just indicates how much of a doormat he views you as. that you will just roll over and accept this emotional cheating.
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