A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I found out my hubby had a female 'friend' and although he says nothing happened ever, I overheard him discussing her with his brother. Also I found other overwhelming evidence that he was infact having an affair with her. We went for counselling, and all things seemed to be going well for us. He had also promised not to ever contact this female 'friend', and now I find that he has made contact with her recently. When I asked him about it he became very defensive and accused me of having 'a problem'! I am now at my wit's end as I cannot even talk to him as he takes the defensive stance, refuses to go back to counselling as he says the counsellor is an idiot. I do love him very much but am now feeling like he cannot/willnot let go of his relationship with the female 'friend'. I really dont know what to do anymore. This is a first marriage for both of us and our children are already out of the house. Any suggestions on how I tackle this problem?
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female
reader, daisygirl01  +, writes (10 September 2008):
Wow! This sounds all to familar. I would not believe him until he has given you some kind of conformation. Trust me she is more than just his friend. You can talk with her if you know who she is. I don't think it will work. There are women out there who love the game of taking another womans husband. I hope everything works out for. You deserve to be happy. Live for the now moments.
A
female
reader, starismine1 +, writes (9 September 2008):
 He refers to this woman as a female friend, which means he intends to keep a friendship with her. What was the reason the friendship started in the first place and how did he meet her and get to know her? Does he tell you he's happy in the marriage? How is your sex life? It's difficult to give any opinion on your situation without knowing more of these facts, however, by the tone of your post, you sound like you don't feel loved by him and he isn't talking to you in a respectful and caring way. The fact that he did go once to counseling is a good sign, and the fact that he refuses to go again is not a good sign, he most likely never ended the "friendship". At this point, you may want to consider finding out who she is and talking to her to get to the bottom of what is really going on or having him followed. You don't deserve to be lied to by a husband who is living a double life having intimate relations with 2 women. But one more point I want to make is this, if he is just friends with her, even though he was once sexually intimate, you probably have nothing to worry about. Men, unlike women, are very capable of staying friends with a woman they once had sex with and have no love for. But you have to find out if it is just friendship, or if it's something more.
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A
female
reader, claireleatherdale  +, writes (9 September 2008):
 all u can do is tell him 2 choose her or u he may not give u an answer u wanna hear but it seems to be the only way that he'll realise he cant have his cake and eat it at the moment he's got her and he's got u so why should he give her up if u stay with him i will say that there is a 50/50 chance he'll choose this female 'friend' as u called her but u will be hurting for alot longer if u stay and he doesn't give her up
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