A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,So I've been dating my present boyfriend for almost one year, I'd say maybe just around a month off from it. I'm 19, hes 20. Anyways, I recently stumbled upon pictures of him and this other girl, its not any inappropriate picture, but its just the amount of photos they took together....while we were going out.They met 3 months earlier before those pictures were taken, because that girl was supposed to be set up on a date with his friend, but failed, and she was also in a same class as him and I. I even noticed they were talking a lot, but when I mentioned to him about that, he says they are just friends. Back to the pictures, he claims they are just friends, but yet why so many pictures? I'm thinking they took it when they were studying without me...which he didn't even tell me that he was studying with her.Every time I bring something up about her, because I'm really trying to express my feelings about that, he completely shuts down and doesn't want to hear what I have to say. I really want him to clearly explain everything to me, even the pictures. (There was a time they went out with some other friend(s) and only they took a bunch of photos as well.) I don't know how to talk to him about it since it happened probably 3-4 months ago. Perhaps all this I'm feeling is because I feel like our relationship is dying recently..I'm feeling used, somewhat like a temporary girlfriend until something better comes along. I really need to talk to him, how can I without angering him, or should I just let it go. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (9 September 2008):
Well if he is acting weird go to the girl and say you just want to know what is going on.
You don't have to accuse her of anything, just tell her that he is being all strange about it and refusing to speak to you so you want to know if you are wasting your time with this guy.
If he gets annoyed at you for talking to her then just tell him that he refused to talk about it so you had no other choice.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, starismine1 +, writes (9 September 2008):
 If you feel pictures of this other girl mean more to him than they should, then you are probably feeling a lack of interest from him that should be there. It's not about the pictures and whether he has too many or displays them too prominently. It's about how they make you feel, and if anything a guy does or doesn't do makes you feel less loved than you want to be, there is no right or wrong in what he's doing, because what he's doing makese you feel unappreciated and that's not right for you. There's what you need to feel and what he isn't bringing to the table, which is the care and appreciation of you that you need to feel in this relationship. I wouldn't talk to him about the issues with the pictures, because he can always defend the existence of pictures or the quantity of them and that detracts from the real issue at hand which is that you feel unloved. I would talk to him about how you don't feel fulfilled and cared about enough in this relationship, and let him know that you are thinking of moving on, because that is THE BIG PICTURE.
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A
female
reader, starismine1 +, writes (9 September 2008):
If you feel pictures of this other girl mean more to him than they should, then you are probably feeling a lack of interest from him that should be there. It's not about the pics, it's about how they make you feel, and if anything a guy does or doesn't do makes you feel less loved than you want to be, there is no right or wrong in how you feel. There's what is what you need to feel and what he isn't bringing to the table, which is the care and appreciation of you that you need to feel loved in a relationship. I wouldn't talk to him about pictures, because he can alwaysy defend the existence of pictures, but I would talk to him about how you don't feel fulfilled and cared about enough in the relationship, because that is THE BIG PICTURE.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (9 September 2008):
You shouldnt just let it go! You're gut is telling you something, so you should listen to it.
Its really important you deal with this problem, as if yu ignore it, the feelings will probably only get worst and you will start to feel even more insecure by everything he does.
I understand how you are feeling. Him having so many photos with this girl does make it sound like they are really close and have something 'special' between them. Im not saying hes cheated on you though, it could be that they are just close.
The fact that he shuts down and/or gets angry when you bring up the topic of him and this girl, suggests something suspicous is going on. If he had nothing to hide, then he would react differently I think.
I am wondering how many photos he has with you and him?
In general, is he a big photo collecter?
I suggest you talk to him about this. I know its a hard thing to bring up, but you really need to do it.
Sit down with him and say you need to talk about soemthing important. Explain how you have been feeling and ask for his explanation about the photos. By asking for his side of the story, it is showing him that you want to know the truth and arent just accusing him of everything.
If he gets defensive, angry or shuts down, ask him why hes acting like that. Continue to ask for an explanation until you get one.
goodluck and i hope you work it all out!
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A
female
reader, claireleatherdale +, writes (9 September 2008):
 try a letter if that doesn't work try talking 2 this girl and tell her ur worries u never know she might become the best friend u've ever had
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