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female
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*ay
writes: My husband goes out and spends time with our female single friends with out me, at night for hours. I am not a jealous type but they show him the sexy underwear they buy and fawn all over him. Is it fair for me to be upset with them for crossing some serious boundries and with him for letting them?
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female
reader, Mirabell +, writes (1 December 2005):
 You definitely have a problem. You must be very careful in dealing with it--make sure to cover all your bases or you could upset everyone you love and come off looking like a loon.
First things first: Of course your husband knows on some level that it is wrong for him to enjoy the attention of your foxy friends but he is a man, he enjoys it, and he believes it to be non-threatening to your marriage (or he would try to hide it). He is right. As long as he doesn't cross the line, it is your friends who are acting inappropriately.
Dealing with your husband: Don't get mad at him about it. He may run to them for comfort and they will come out the victors. The key is to keep him on your side. It is more important to fix the problem than for everyone to know that you are mad. Also, if you are mad at him it seems like you are being over protective and aggressive, turning him off. Nobody likes a babysitter.
Next: Your Friends
You have to cut the problem off at the head, being your friends, the troublemakers. Odds are these female friends are competitive with you on some level you don't realize. Flirting with your husband makes them feel like they are one-upping you.
Dealing with them: You can take two approaches. If you are seriously good friends you can bare your heart and tell them you think it is giving him a swelled head and you feel left out of the fun. You can sugarcoat it by saying that you always felt like you were better friends with them than your husband and you miss girl time.
Otherwise, you need to start hanging out with more stable people and help move as a couple to a healthier friend group.
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