A
female
age
41-50,
*tar1975
writes:I need some help with my marriage..To give you an idea of my relationship: Hubby is 37 I am 32..we have 2 girls 4, 9. We have been together for 11 years...married for 6. My husband recently told me he is burnt out on our marriage..the rest of his life is good..but he just doesn't want to be with me anymore. He tells me we can stay living together..but not actually be together. This is really hard for me...it is crushing my heart. He wont let me touch him or look at him..he says I am annoying him. This has been like this for 6 weeks now...do I have any hope? Am I just setting myself up for a lifetime of dissapointments? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, Star1975 +, writes (6 March 2008):
Star1975 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your input.. I have found out.. he was having an affair.. with one of my so called friends none the less. He didn't want to even try and work it out.. We are now divorced and my girls and I are trying to move one the best we can.
A
female
reader, Ma  +, writes (3 March 2008):
I have been on the other side. I contemplated saying excatly the same thing to my husband what your husband told you. It was because I was attracted to someone else. You may want to consider if he is attracted to someone or thinking/having an affair.
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A
female
reader, silent_whispers  +, writes (29 May 2007):
I am sorry to hear that you are in this position. But you need to understand a few things. Why has your husband suddenly decided that he is burnt up?whats changed? and you need to try and speak to him, and try and find out whats caused this, In many cases we dont realise and we either upset or hurt someone by our words. If you haven't done anything, and the situation is the same as it was a few years back, then your husband may simply be going through a phase, we all do. Sometimes lifes tensions and stress get too much and we just want to escape, hence some people commit suicide and other people dont bother committing in relationships. Your husband must have loved you, if he married and gave you two girls. You need to try and speak to him and resolve this, you shouldnt have to accpet a life of disapointment because you married him because you loved him and its not fair on you. If he doesn't answer your questions, then i would consider counselling. But dont give hope give it some time, maybe things will change, please contact us with any progress, in the mean time, take care
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A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (29 May 2007):
 Ask him if he is willing to try to save you marriage, marriage counselling could help you both.
If he isnt then he cant really expect you both to continue living like this, not only will it affect you it will have an affect on your children.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 May 2007):
 I agree with Eddie. See if he is willing to get some marital counseling with you. Since there are little kids involved you both should do everything you can to save the marriage. However if he refuses then you may need to separate for awhile and I don't mean living in the same house but really separate. With the current situation he has all the comforts of having a wife and family with none of the responsibilities of a marriage. I hope he agrees to the counseling. Keep us posted.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (29 May 2007):
 Well I don't agree you should run to a lawyer for a divorce. That would be foolish. Try to go to counseling for couples and see if you can find out what is wrong.
For someone to tell you to do otherwise is really doing you a disservice.
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A
female
reader, UsuallyConfused +, writes (29 May 2007):
He can not expect you to live in the same house as him and to treat you this way. You should move out or get him to and try to pick up the pieces and find someone that will appreciate you the way you should be.
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A
female
reader, NowWhat?  +, writes (29 May 2007):
Hey there;
I'm really sorry for what you are going through. First thing, if he was willing to work things out at the moment he would've at least let you look at him or touch him. Which means there is nothing you can do on that front for now. The only thing you can do is move out of your home for a while, however long it takes for him to miss you and the girls, with no contact whatsoever unless if it concerns your daughters and then only briefly. Give him time and space to work out his issues. If you can't leave the house then move into another room and DO NOT try to approach him. Act like he does not exist in the same space. This is what he wants, right? When he IS willing to discuss things listen carefully and take down notes. Highlight the points you will be able to solve and promise only what you can deliver. As they say, grass is always greener on the other side. Give him a glimpse of the other side and it might knock some sense into him.
I hope things work out for you and your girlz
Best Of Luck
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (29 May 2007):
 If you stay in the same house as him, yes, you are. Get a divorce immediately, and start looking for a place of your own. If you can, ask him to help fund your new place out of respect to the way it ended. Next, start looking for a new partner, after you've taken some you time to recoup.
DV1
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