A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are very much in love and have just got in engaged over a year ago and are getting married soon ish, and his sister has made my life a living hell since day one. She talks badly about me behind my back, I've been told she calls me "ball and chain" when I'm not around. she ignores me, brags to make herself look better, puts me down and makes negative comments about me while at family events, she even brought my fiancée ex girlfriend to a family do to cause havoc (his ex still likes him and she's just as nasty as his sister so she helps to make it 10 times worse), trys to turn her family against me....I could go on and on. She behaves like an absolute child, and will do anything to make me look bad. I have tried to be nice to her and befriend her, but it seems the more I try to be nice, the more she tries to destroy me. I am at my wits end and I do not know what to do as she refuses to change at any cost. What would cause a woman to behave in such an immature manner towards her brother's future wife? I am the kind of person who gets along with everyone and loves to befriend everyone. This is literally the ONLY woman I have ever encountered that dislikes me. I have tried being nice to her, tried ignoring her, tried talking to her and also did my partner and said she would stop but continued much worse, NOTHING works. She is just dedicated to my downfall. She is very good at manipulating her farther and my partner as they are the only two who listen to her, she enjoys watching me suffer. What would be causing her to act this way? Im struggling to cope as ive never done anything wrong to make her hate me so much. It frustrates me that I can't understand it..... Please help me I would be so grateful, it's ruining my future
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engaged, ex girlfriend, fiance, immature, puts me down Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 April 2013):
 Oh but yes you "can win"
Be cool
be calm
be regal
kill her with kindness
do not reward or react at all to bad behavior.
either she will stop or it will piss her off so much she will fume and then devote so much energy to trying to get a reaction out of you it will consume her.
Living well really is the best revenge.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo_very_confussed, hello, yeah she is around my age a year older, she always shows her hate for me to my face as well as behind my back. When she's around me she calls me nasty nick names, she gets argumentative with any opinion I have .... I can never win. She walks in and doesn't even say hello just blanks up until she really has to talk to me. Thank you so much for your advice it's a big help x
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 April 2013):
If he's spoken to her then she knows how he feels.
If you have tried to kill her with kindness and she is still behaving badly, there is nothing you can do but live well and ignore her.
Living well is the best thing. Ignore her bad behavior, comment positively on her good behavior and know that her behavior and comments are not a reflection on you but rather on her.
I assume she's around your age, you all sound a bit childish still and as you grow and mature (think around age 35) she may settle down and change but more than likely you will no longer care, she will pick up on the fact that you don't care, and that she has no power, and I bet her bad behavior stops.
Remember you can pick your friends and you can determine who you WANT to consider family. She is not a friend and she is not family she is a relative. And as such you do not have to be around her if she's rude to you. But I wonder if perhaps you define rude as something else since you made the comment that you have been TOLD these things
is she rude to your face?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the really helpful advice. My partner spoke to her at Christmas about how she needed to change and had changed for two months but then continued and did it worse. The thing is he doesn't get on with her mum either just her dad so she manipulates him against us. But I will definitely take this advice ad put it to good use thank you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): He needs to really sit down & talk to her & the rest of his family about making her stop. I wouldn't go to any family functions & he shouldn't either and let them know why. Don't invite her to your wedding, she'll only try to ruin it.
Rethink if you want to marry him because this may not get better. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 April 2013):
Maybe you need to distance yourself from his family. There's no reason that you need to have anything to do with her. Tell him that you really wish you could go, but as long as she's acting that way you don't want to be around her.
That will probably cause your bf to attend less family functions which will make her dislike you more, but who cares?
Which brings me to the fact that she is just crazy. You can't explain crazy. You also can't take it personally, it doesn't sound like there's any reasons for it, so try to not let it affect you. It's also likely that it's not a secret that she is this way.
My friend's wife behaves in a similar manner, and although nobody would say it to her face (because it's not aimed at anyone in particular), we all know how she is so we pay sh!t talking little attention.
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