A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Iam 30 years old and have been married for 6 years. have 2 beautiufl lil girls.three year old and 2 year old. I have had issues with sex ever since i got married. It has improved with time, but my husband told me last night that he thinks sex is a dirty thing. on the other hand he also said that sex is a sacred thing, but he still doesnt wanna do it. I feel so devasted eversince last night. I dont know if this is such a big deal or not but i feel terrible, as if he had told me he was cheating on me or something. I am just concerend about my sex life. I like sex. I am young and I want to have lots of sex untill i get tired. If i dont have sex i get cranky. He said he is not attracted to women who are sexually agressive or are vocal about their sexual needs.!!! what am i supposed to do??? masturbate?...I dont want to masturbate when i have a man in my life...I dream of having sex and its with other men who i dont even know.sometimes i feel like god is punishing me for having sex before marriage.i need some advice. I dont know if iam really taking it too seriously and feeling terrible. any suggestions advices please:(
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): His mother forced him to marry you? You married someone who didn't want to marry you in the first place. Hello!!!!!!! No wonder he doesn't want to have sex with you. Get a divorce and stop wasting your life and his.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 July 2010):
 He doesn't like you being aggressive, and you think the solution to this problem is that you continue to be aggressive?
Look, you two seem sexually incompatible. You can't force someone to do things they don't want to do and shouldn't have to "dominate" him in order to get sex. If there is a marriage counselor that specializes in sex therapy, that would seem like a good place for you to start.
I'd question the basis of the marriage. Being forced into an arranged marriage is a bad place to start, it seems to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx for all ure replies ladies.
we had an arranged marriage. His mom forced him into it. My life was a disaster for the first year. but we grew into love with each other. i adore my husband. its just that one part.SEX.in the very begining of our relationship he had said to me that sex is extreme of love. when two ppl are so deeply in love thats when they make love. we hardly had sex 12 times in the first year of our marriage. After that things changed. I changed alot . he changed alot. I think he compromised. He says he loves me. when we have sex, we are not done when he is done. He takes care of me. But just that him telling me Sex is dirty. He doesnt like me being aggressive. Thats who Iam....if he doesnt want sex and I do...I will have to dominate right???...
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 July 2010):
 God isn't punishing you for anything. The man either has fallen out of love with you, has a lover, or has always been a closet gay. Sex wasn't dirty before, was it?
Sorry, but you have to think of the prospect of a sexless -and loveless- marriage. Think what you would do.
May I add that your man is crazy?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 July 2010):
Are you 100% certain he's straight? He may be a gay man in the closet who got married because he didn't want to have to go through the world with the label "homosexual" or even "bisexual".
Was he ever considering joining the priesthood, is he from a very religious family?
It's certainly a surprise to find this out after so much time, isn't it? Didn't you discuss all this before your marriage, or were there problems before that you just hoped would go away when you got married?
Sorry for having so many questions for you but I think a little more information might be useful. Also, I am trying to get you to look at this situation from another angle.
What could be the reason for this change of heart? That's what you need to find the answer for, in order to proceed with your own solutions to the situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): He thinks sex is dirty? It sounds like he has some real deep seated issues that he needs to resolve. It sounds like he needs professional help.
It is absolutely normal to have a sex drive, to want sex, and to have sex with your marriage mate. You have not done anything wrong nor are being punished for it.
I am not sure if or how religious you and your husband are, but if he is religious perhaps point out
1 Corinthians 7:3 which states that husbands and wives are required to fulfill each others sexual needs.
If worse comes to worse and he refuses to see a councellor, go see one yourself. Explain the situation and maybe they can direct you on what to do.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 Firstly, you are NOT being punished for your past. There is absolutely nothing wrong in sex before marriage (so long as it was safe sex.)
Sex is supposed to be something shared between two people who love each other, and in this circumstance, there is absolutely nothing dirty about sex and your husband was wrong to say that it was. He is speaking as if it's unprotected sex with a total stranger. It is true that in couples, most of the time, one partner has a different sex drive to the other, but both partners need to learn to compromise. He's said what puts him off, maybe you should ask him what turns him on. You could have sex counselling. Perhaps something that happened to your husband made him doubt sex.
I can tell you are both religious. I personally am not but, if God created sex, and you are married, then what is the problem? Surely in God's eyes you and your husband are supposed to have sex. Perhaps your husband's feelings for you are changing, so you need to sit down with him and talk about it.
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