A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:why does my husband seem to constantly feel the need to please his dad? he puts so much time and energy into it that he has none left for me and he also works for his dad. he is almost forty so i find this odd. he is always so exhausted when he gets home we really dont communicate much. it would be different if it was at work only that he was so eager to please and impress but this continues after work. ive ask him why doesnt he try impressing me sometimes but he just ignores me i really think he looks at it like im just jealous and that is not the case at all. i dont even know if i like him anymore. there is so much more but i know im limited. i would love to hear your opinion.
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female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (21 January 2007):
 Your husband probably only wants his dad to be proud of him and that he deserves to some day take his place. Whilst you need to be understanding of his feelings, you both need to talk and spend some quality time together.
You need to explain how much pressure this has put on your relationship without sounding that you do not appreciate his efforts.
x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2007): Was your husband's father a distant, uncaring father to your husband when he was a child? Was there any 'discord' between them, when your husband was a teen or younger? Is your husband trying to repair a painful past, with his Dad? You husband may be trying to gain his Father's acceptance and love that he lacked, so many years ago. Usually, men in their 40’s, begin to move into the stage of acceptance toward their fathers. The son forgives and forgets and he recognizes strengths and even deeply admires the qualities his Dad has, that once seemed so out of step with his way of thinking. But your husband isn't there, at this point yet. He's trying to get there but if his Dad is still a rather aloof person, then your husband is trying to gain his father's respect, love and acceptance. Your husband may have unresolved painful issues, he needs to deal with in regards to his Dad.
Another opposing point I'd like to stress. Are you mistaking the phrase 'gaining dad's acceptance' for hubby just simply loving his Dad and admiring him, after all these years? This is a possibility too. Fathers and sons often become close friends during this time, share common interests and express opinions without heated exchanges. Perhaps if your husband is a Father himself, he admires and understands the difficult job of being a father.
I am not in your life so I have to generalize here, but try hard to understand 'why' your husband is going through this. The best you can do, is encourage this relationship and allow your husband to see it through. Usually this type of 'phase' will go on for a few years and then it 's stops. But one thing for sure, your husband finds it is important to have a good, healthy relationship with his Dad. But don't be afraid to remind hubby about his commitment to his ' wife and family'. You are all so important in all this. If this does get worse and you are feeling increasingly neglected, think about seeking some counsel from a family therapist or a minister. They can be of great comfort and help in getting families back on track. Take care my dear and I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, melschatbox +, writes (21 January 2007):
 I think he likes having dad depend on him. He likes to feel needed. Maybe, you don't allow for that? not sure. Or, maybe dad guilts him into being at his beckon call. It's good to be respectful and helpful to our parents but, spousal responsibilities and affection are just as important if not more!! Hmm..wonder why your husband feels the need to please dad...He's probably been striving to do this since a very early age. Dad may be impossible to please. Get some counseling for the lack of communication btw the two of you at least it should get him talking.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2007): the reason is because he might care about you but working for his father may help him
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