A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone.Me and my husband are both in our early 30's and have been married for 10 years. We have a mutual friend who is about the same age as us both and is still a virgin. Recently my husband made a joke about me taking his virginity for his birthday.I know that, to some, it might seem like a strange thing to want to do but ever since my husband mentioned it I have been thinking about it a lot and would actually like to do it. He is a very good friend who we have known for quite some time and I think it would be a really nice thing to do for him and would be a fun experience for us both. I'm pretty sure my husband was joking but at the same time testing the waters. I also know he is quite open minded so I don't think it would be a problem between us.I guess my question is, is it a strange thing to want to do? I don't think it would affect our friendship but if you were a 30+ yr old virgin is that something you would appreciate?I guess I'm just looking for other opinions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2016): Look, I know this is unlikely to happen, but what if your friend gets offended or something? This could easily kill your friendship.
Aren't there millions of single women out there who have lost male friends pretty much just by sleeping with them?
Also, your friend may even be offended by the idea of a pity boink.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 May 2016):
 If it were the other way around, what would your feelings be if your husband were to come to you and express a desire to have sex with a virgin girl??
This virgin guy in his 30's has a billion choices (I'm not exaggerating!) in unmarried, unattached women to connect with. Don't mistake your husband's joke for a serious event.
Like the others said, leave it in the fantasy world where it belongs. You'll blow up your marriage and destroy a friendship. If you're wanting to have sex, go have it with your husband. Role play that your husband's a virgin if you want to "act out" a fantasy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 May 2016):
 I agree with Garbo.
I would not risk a good solid 10 years marriage for a "pity fuck" to help some friend "lose" his virginity.
While it might sounds like it's not a big deal, you will only do this once and then the friend is "freed" of his burden and you will be a good able to think of yourself as a Samaritan.
Let's say he can't get it up with. So you will have to what? try again and again? And you can separate that from any emotional bonding? What if this friend starts to catch feelings for you? What then?
And let's say it goes well. HOW long do you think it will be before your husband feels he needs to have sex with another woman to "even" out your "good deed"?
There are SO many scenarios where it can go wrong and break up a marriage. More so then there are realistic scenarios where it will go well.
Being open minded is a great thing. But it RARELY stops people from being jealous or.. having an overactive imagination.
Most people IN open relationships try and stay away from having sex partners (other than their SO) that they have an emotional bond with or feelings for. Why? Because it complicates things.
I think it's a bad idea.
And I do think that most fantasies are much better kept private, because in reality they just don't work.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (27 May 2016):
 One problem with these sorts of sexual fantasies, where a third person is involved, is that once they escape the realm of your brain and become a reality, these sexual fantasies violate the monogamy, and the breakdown of monogamy leads to the breakdown in marriage, because it is its foundation.
So you may think that your husband is exploring, "open minded", perhaps even into this cuckolding fetish while you get turned on with the idea, yet the vast majority of these scenarios lead to a break down in a marriage, and most of the breakdown occurs right during the sex. Sure some may survive the episode, but days after it, something will trigger the break up. In other words, statistics and odds that your marriage will breakdown after this are so stacked against you that if this was a Las Vegas event, I'll bet my life savings on the black square and wait for your marriage to break down.
Also personally, I would never risk my monogamy for a 15 second orgasm. Nor do I see how benefits of a 15 second event could outweigh the benefits of marrital tranquility throughout my lifetime.
Of course, people are free to do whatever they please, but I think that you should value your marriage much more then your friend's problems with his virginity. His sexless life is for him to remedy, and not at your expense.
In fact, you should use this episode as an opportunity to strengthen your marriage by firmly rejecting this idea, and with that to firm up your commitment to monogamy which is the foundation of your marriage.
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A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (27 May 2016):
Honestly? Your husband is open minded? You've had sex with other men already and he's been fine with it then? Thought not.
What in earth makes you think this guy who is still a virgin would even be up for this? And as the other aunts have said, I would alter everything - your marriage being the most important thing.
I think you should concentrate on spicing things up in the bedroom with your husband...and forget this silly fantasy
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 May 2016):
 You don't think it would affect your friendship?
What delusions are you living with?
Its going to affect your LIFE and alter the course of your marital relations.
I honestly don't know of a threesome or a ménage a trois that has worked in the long run but if you're willing to risk all that you have for a fantasy, then you'll probably do it anyway, irrespective of what anyone says here.
Be prepared that this could lead to full-scale swinging and swapping because once this starts, there's no knowing where things can lead to.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (27 May 2016):
 To do this would alter everything in your life, There would be no going back. Assuming of course that your friend even wanted to engage, what happens afterwards? How can you go back to being friends, or are you now going to exist as a ménage a trois from now on?
Having little sexual fantasies is common. However is your marriage so loose that neither you or your husband care about who makes love to whom?
I am not saying don't because it takes all sorts to make a world. However think ahead about the outcomes. Step carefully. Many people get 'the hots' for someone outside their marriage. Far fewer make it a reality, and even fewer have a marriage that survives it.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (27 May 2016):
 ............................No
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