A
female
age
41-50,
*rielis
writes:hey all,Ive been married for 4 yrs but been with him for 10 yrs. I have a 2yr old baby! My husband lost his job 2 months after we purchase a house but never told me. I used to go to work and so did he and so i thought! He used to drop my son at his moms so that she can watch him while we went to work. After 4 months i found out he was not working and dropping my son at his moms so she can watch him but he was going back home to sleep and pretending he was at work. I almost lost my house and he lies about everything he does not wanna work and i have to support and look after every bill at home. We r both young and i feel like i wanna a divorce am i over reacting? when my son was sick in the time he was home i used to call in sick to saty home with him and my husband would pretend to go to work so that he did not have to stay at home as well and i ca't get pass all of this its been a yr and i cant forgive him what should I do?
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at work, divorce, lost his job Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 Wait a second. He *quit*?!??! He didn't get laid off or fired? That means that he didn't lose his job. He walked away from it and didn't tell you.
He also took out a $30k loan under your name?? That's bullshit that he didn't know how the bank put it under your name. Here in the US we have a SSN. You in Canada have the SIN that's used for credit and taxes! He committed FRAUD by using your number.
This is a hell of a lot more serious. He racked up $500 worth of porn, really trashed your credit and your house's finances, lied to you and *QUIT* his job. You HAVE been cheated on!
It doesn't matter if his father passed away. Eventually, all of our parents pass away if we live long enough. That's just the way life works. It's no excuse.
Knowing about his abandoning his job and defrauding you, not to mention his porn addiction and serious lying, the trust has been busted beyond repair.
I'd leave him to wallow in his irresponsibility, but not before I lock him out of your SIN and get something to protect yourself against his identity theft and fraud.
A
female
reader, arielis +, writes (9 April 2011):
arielis is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice! It helps me because i don't want anyone to know about my problems not even my family. I am going to anwer some of your questions. he was scare of telling me about it because this is the second time he does it and the first time he lied about it for 3 months and finally told me because i called his job and they told me he quit 3 months ago. When i confronted him he lied about it finally told me the truth after 3 weeks. How he hide it the second time it was like this. I start wotk at 6am he started at 9am he used to drop off my son at his moms and pretended to go to work. He would call me from his cell phone all the time saying work was busy and bla bla bla. when he knew i was coming home he would leave the house and come back home at the time he was supposed to be home. Dressed up and everything. I would cook clean pick up my son and take care of him. Did not know about the money not been there because we have separate banks account. I thought the was the best thing but clearly it wasent. All he was in charge of was the mortgage and i was paying all the other bills. He has done stupid things before like taking a loan under my name for 30Gs and according to him he did not know how the bank put it under my name and thats another reason why he never tells me anything when it comes about money. I feel like i am force to be with him only because on our wedding day his dad past away. I feel like there is just so much stuff that a person can deal with and handle. His mom thinks that ones you are married like they make you swear when u get married through bad and good richer n poor. But I feel like ive been cheated with all of this crap. I dont think counseling would help because it happens over and over and over. and for those of you that said he does not sleep thinking about how he is going to support his family.. You are right he was not sleeping because for 4 months i saw my cable bill and it was $500.00 a month because he was renting porn and movies how does someone do that specially when they don't have a job and i had to pay for all that. Yes everyone tells me to do it for my son and stay with him but is it really worth it???
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A
female
reader, rocc  +, writes (8 April 2011):
Some men take it too personally when they lose their jobs. They are not confident of the job they do and are scared to take any other job. These people end in a form of depression and sleep a lot, to forget it.He might need more encouragement from and his family or friends to gofor another job. Its a year now and still he hasn't taken a job looks like he is losing it. Just let him finda job first and then think about the family
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): It must have been really hard for him to keep up the charade of going to work, even harder to lose his job so soon after you had bought a home. A man likes to provide, and losing his job must have caused depression - he could have told you, then you could have helped him, shared the problem, boosted his moral. For some reason he felt he couldn't, even after all your years together.You have to ask yourself if you now want to help and support him or is the fact he deceived you too big a thing for you? I would try hard to help, but he has to be pro active too, you have a child to think of. If you can't forgive then it's over. Good luck x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): If it's going to make you feel better to force a bit of counseling before you have to make a hard decision do it. Find a counselor and get him in there to put all this out there. If he is woken up by the event, and makes multiple and serious changes, stick with it. if not, end it as fast as possible.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 April 2011):
You said it's been a year since he did that? Wow. What has happened since then? Did he actually get a job? Is he still not working?
That is a major thing, lying about losing a job, and not only that, but four months?? How did he hide it for four months? Did you not see the bank accounts not filling up with money?
He did the wrong thing, plain and simple. You're his wife. His business partner in your family's finances. Keeping it from you was really dishonest. Was he worried about a specific reaction from you? Had something happened in the past that caused a reaction from you that scared him into not telling you now?
Regardless, he really screwed up. He trashed your credit rating by letting the house and most likely other bills get lost by the wayside. Has he made up for it in the past year?
If the answer is yes...his actions showed repentance and acceptance of responsibility, and it's been a year since it happened with no more lying, I say stick with it. A man's ego can make him do strange things, and he might have tied his very self-acceptance as a man to his job, and losing it might have been more devastating than a death to him, so he might have wanted to hold onto how you thought of him for four months, thinking that telling you would have sent you for the hills, or at least looking at him with disrespect and disdain.
But seriously, there's no excuse for what he did. It's whether his actions have made up for it in this past year. If they have, I would let that pain fade. Never forget what he did, and never ever take your eyes off your finances ever again. You're the financial family CEO now. He should never get that back, and tell him that you're on the team, and there is never any hiding of bad news anymore.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): Maybe he lost his self esteem to go look for another job. It might seem inappropriate, after all he's done, but try to cheer him up somehow. Counseling, might work on him. Or a quick intervention from his family/friends?
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (8 April 2011):
 This was an incredibly dishonest thing and I don't think you are overreacting at all. If I were you, I would consider the divorce very seriously. And don't skimp on ocllecting child support either!
Best of Luck
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