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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my husband for over 20 years and have experienced an abusive marriage with regards to his alcoholism, infedility, mental and physical abuse, masturbation, sexual demands as well as him being able to carry out conversations and communicate with total strangers at ease but he does not communicate with me.We have nothing in common, I have suffered severe depression for nearly 15 years and have a very low self esteem especially as my husband tends to look at porn during work hours with the boys and acts like a mans man around them but then is deceitful and underhanded about the porno issues when I try and talk to him about it. Why would he do this behind my back. He too enjoys blue movies and enjoys any sex and nudity in movies but will again delve into this behind my back and not in front of me. I love my husband but also love to hate him for the years of abuse I have been through. I have no self confidence and feel extremely insecure within myself and our marriage although he continually admits that he loves me dearlyPlease help me!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2006): I suggest you immediately lose some weight-how-exactly what he weighs and remove a massive burden from you life.
A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (20 May 2006):
 My dear may I ask you one question: "What on earth are you doing with this man?"
Listen, you told me that you have suffered severe depression for over 15 years, lets put it into perspective, if there are 365 days in a year or 366 and you have been going through this for over a decade can you see where I am going with this? You have literally been in the depths of hell with this man and if you stay here it wont get any better, hell cant get any better, the heat will only intensify, the flames wil get bigger and the pain will increase. If you stay here you will end up an absolute wreck and my dear none of us want that to happen to you. How on earth can he love you if he has cheated, abused you and continues to watch filthly movies. He has some audacity telling you that h eloves you, my friend he doesnt even love himself because if he is married to you, a married couple become one and if he is treating you the suposed woman he loves with utter disrespect and hurt he obviously hates himself. My friend, get some counselling if you need it, spend time with your friends and wash this evil man right out of your life, FOR GOOD. Please do it, you deserve MUCH BETTER. xXx
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A
male
reader, GLforever +, writes (20 May 2006):
 Well, I don't want it to be only women answering you, but the three who have answered so far have done such a great job that there is little for me to add.
However, I'll say this. Your husband's self-esteem seems to be derived primarily from him being able to destroy your self-esteem. He has failed miserably both as a husband, and as far as I am concerned, as a human being. He is a disgrace. Though it may be very hard at first, in the long run you will be much better off without him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2006): As you can read from the other Aunts on this page..it's time for you to leave this marriage from hell. I am coming in 3rd, in agreeing in what they are saying. Hun, we can only give you suggestions as to what to do about this 'wreck of a marriage'. You have to make the clearcut 'choice' to help yourself and get proactive. So my suggestion is: Get down to the lawyer's office. Start stashing the cash and making plans to leave. Call in trusted family and friends for support and encouragement. Make sure you and your children are financially taken care of until you get back on your feet. I am a proponent of married people saving their marriage if at all possible. But you have three major components here, that are grounds for divorce and that is: Abuse, addiction (alcoholism) and Infidelity. Your husband is no longer your husband and he no longer loves you. He tells you that because he's controlling you...he knows you are the only woman who will tolerate his crap. Cruelty and meanness is sadly, a part of the human condition. I am always amazed at how people act as if it comes upon them unexpectantly, but it is always an option and a choice to act this badly. So kick his ass to the curb, cut the ties and get out from underneath his thumb. You are being treated like a piece of crap. How you lasted this long, is beyond me. Now ...get out there and do something about it.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (19 May 2006):
 Christ!...he sounds like the husband from hell!...Why on earth do you put up with him? This man has no respect for you whatsoever,because if he really loved you he wouldn't hit you...any man who hits a woman is a coward and basically low life.Also he emotionally abused you...you suffered from depression because of this situation and now you have no self confidence.Please leave this dead end relationship because while he is looking at porn and rubbing your nose in it...he is getting away with it and you deserve better then that.You have tried to talk to him but he doesn't care on what you think....Im afraid you are going to have this intolerable life if you stay with this horrible,selfish man.He says he loves you....well,he has got a funny way of showing it.You have 2 choices...you either stay with him and put up with this misery or 2...leave him and make a new life for yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2006): leave him! you dont want to live like this for the rest of your life. he doesnt love you. love is suppose to feel good and not hurtful. sure you're going to struggle when you leave him, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. you'll much better off without him. you wont have to face or think what this day is going to bring to you, what he's going to do to you, and worry about that anymore! your mind is going to be able to rest from all the things that he does if you do leave him. then you'll find happiness. he's not going to change, so dont hope for that anymore. he's been like this towards you for 20yrs, what makes you think that things are going to get better. trust me...i know what you're going through. leave him. you dont love him, you're just afraid of leaving and being alone. there is nothing in this man to love, he's a cruel person. he says he loves you because you're the only person that puts up with him, but he doesnt love you. he's using you. dont live in denial and say things are ok, he's just mad over something that happend at work or think that maybe if i would of dont this better he wouldnt be so mad. he's an a**hole, a coward, a bully, who doesnt care for noone other than himself! i hope you find it in your heart to leave him. good luck and God Bless!
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