A
female
age
41-50,
*ersianKay
writes:My husband of 10 years decided to leave me and our two children who are still under 10 years old, for another woman about 6 months ago. My world was turned upside down. I did every thing in my power to make him stay. He wouldn't give me the time of day. I feel like I died with the relationship we once had. I never thought anyone would want me again because Im a single mother! But, just a couple months ago I started seeing someone. I'm not sure about my feelings for him. I feel almost dead inside and I have no trust in him, so I dont think its working. On top of all that, my husband decided that the grass wasn't greener on the other side and now he wants me back. Now he calls me all the time. I cant forgive him for the way he treated me when I was begging for him to stay. I'm still very sore about it, but its hard for me to tell him no. I don't want to lead the new guy I'm seeing. I'm so confused right now. I feel guilty and I don't know why. Can you give me some advice on this? What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009): I am in the same shoes, my husband left me with three kids. Didn't even have the courtsey to say he was leaving. just didn't call anymore. I can't tell my children as i think they are too young (9, 7 and 4) and think highly of their father. This happened a year ago, yet i am still in denial telling myself he will come back someday. Dating anyone else is out of the question, i am too afraid of this happening again beside i belong to a church where divorce is unacceptable. Like some of the other posters said step away from both men for the time. See how it feels to live without both. Take care of yourself,when the time is right you will know. As for me i take one day at a time. somedays i can't get out of bed, other days i am so determined to give my children and myself the best life i possibly can. Cheers.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): hell no, tell your hb that he is past his sell by date. do not make the mistake of going back. he will cheat on you again. in fact the moment you go back it means that you condone his cheating and you say i am fine with it. your hb is selfish. he doesn't want you to move on. in fact he will use you while he gets it on with someone else. just get rid of him once and for all. after all you were not good enough for him, why will you now be. beat him at his own game and say, good riddance!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): You should dump the new guy.You shouldn't forget what your husband said or how he made you feel after being married ten years!!!! He killed your soul!I don't think you should ever get back with your husband.In the meantime take a breather, the weather will be sunny in your future.
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A
female
reader, Ace2442 +, writes (5 December 2009):
this is comeing from a kid whos parents got divorced and how mutch it hurts. belive me i understand your probably so hurt, and upset, and so are your children.You obviously need to end things with this new guy since ur not crazy about him like as soon as possible end it. Then for your husband...i think you guys should go see a marrige counclear. Not move right back in with one another or see each other but attempt on working things out. and i completely understand if u cant forgive him or if hes not serious then find someone elts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): If he left you once in such a cold hearted way, he can do it again...don't give him a second chance to hurt you in this way!
I agree with the other aunts, you should give yourself some attention. Look inside you to that little, scared girl and give her a big hug, protect her and love her, you have the power to do that :)
As far as the new guy goes...let him take you out if you like his company but be sure he knows you are not ready for a new relationship, you need to allow your heart to heal and get over the hurt. If you try to bury your feelings, they will keep coming up like pushing a ball under the water.
I am sorry you are hurting.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): My hubby left me because he wanted someone else too. I begged too. He came back too. We are together "for the sake of our son" but I wish I hadn't taken him back. I can't get myself to trust him, we can't get even close to being close, and we bicker because of it. My son resents his treatment of me in the past so he is always angry. He is fifteen and we just took him to an adolescent psychiatrist. So, think deeply before you go back and ask yourself if you had never met him and he showed up today, would you (knowing his past) agree to be with him. Only you can decide.....best of luck to you....
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (4 December 2009):
I am in the same position. Husband cheated; now wants me back but I have met someone. My decision has been unequivocally, NO. Everytime I feel guilty, when he starts crying and pleading and making calls to me at 2am, I remember how he abandoned me and our 3 kids without even caring. He went out there, screwed around and had his fun and now he thinks he can just walk back into his perfect family and have it all?? Nuh uh. He made his choice. Its time for you to now take care of yourself and what you want for yourself. If you do decide you want to try again with him, then go to a counsellor to help you discover what happened. For you, I recommend a book by Dr Dobson called "Love is Tough". It helps you navigate through how to handle a husband who wants to return and in future how to act instead of pleading with him to stay
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 December 2009):
You need to step away from both guys. If things aren't going that well with this new guy, and you're now confused, then step away from him and step away from your husband. Instead of worrying about them, worry about yourself. You were the one deserted by your husband, and he didn't listen. But at the same time, don't jump into another relationship until you're sure of how you feel. Step back and focus on yourself. It would be a shame if you couldn't give your marriage another try, because it sounds like you still love him, even of at the same time you hate him. This means you both need to put a to of work in (though clearly he has to do more). Try seeing a counsellor by yourself so you can work out how you feel. If you decide you don't want your husband back, then make it clear once and for all. If you do take him back, then be sure that if he ever hurts you again, you get rid of him permanently. But instead of worrying about him, worry about how you feel.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): The man was awful to you, tell him to get lost. It's always better to be someone who's happy with their own company rather than someone who will take anyone to avoid being alone. Concentrate on quality time being with your kids and make him suffer for his mistake. All the best :)
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