A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I just need a bit of advice and to see what peops did if they were in my situation. My husband left me after 16 years of marriage for a nother woman. He had been seeing her for over a year before he told me and stayed for another 6 months after he told me then left to be with her. How do I deal with it? Has this happened to anyone? did he/she come back to you or are they still with the other woman. I dnt know what to do for the best at all. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rodent man  +, writes (6 February 2009):
Hi there
This happened to me some years ago, after many years together and 3 lovely boys, she decided ( and yes it was going on for 15 months before i knew) that she was leaving to live with an ex family friend who was also married. It was all very messy on both sides and i can tell you this from experience:
It maybe that you never really get to the bottom of what happened and why--i didnt---but it happened and one way or another i had to rebuild
It WILL take time--no doubt about that--and you will feel rotten. Partly about what happened, and partly about yourself, i guess constantly asking why me? whats wrong with me ?
The answer is nothing ! Its his problem and one of the other replies says he will probably do it again---i would put money on it. So whilst im sure its hurting at the moment--and will do for some time, when it gets bad picture the 2 of them looking at each other wondering when they will do it again to each other--it worked for me.
Talk to friends, family and anyone you can trust, talk about it, dont bottle it up---its no good
Practically, get advice, get legal help,make sure you have things in place to ensure no more surprises can happen.
its going to be a tough time, my ex wife is still with the other man after 10 years and good luck to them, its history and ive moved on now meeting a wonderful lady that i love dearly.
Be as strong as you can, cry in private, and get out there and show him what hes let go !!!
Good luck xxxx
A
female
reader, Auntie Jez +, writes (6 February 2009):
You must be in a terrible state of shock, poor you. What a lying so and so! You deserve better than him. Go see a divorce lawyer to see where you stand as everyone will give you bad advice when it comes to the legal side. Everyones case is different and the law constantly changes so what applies to one person does not apply to another.Get someone to recommend a no nonsence lawyer and get that side underway.You dont want this two timing so and so back...he will do it again... a leopard never changes his (or her) spots. Anyway in a few years he will do it to his fancy woman too.If you get depressed go to your doctor. Also you need to get the help the of marraige guidance to talk this through as it will take time to heal.Talk about this to your friends and family, dont keep it a secret...its surprising how many people will support you.Finally its OK to feel terrible for a while...its only natural. When you are ready start socialising again ..not necessarily to get a new man but to get out and about...join clubs, do charity work ..anythingkeep yourself occupied.Good luckxx
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A
female
reader, charron  +, writes (6 February 2009):
 Oh I forgot to say.. if your getting divorced make sure you take everything you deserve it 16 years is a lot!!I hope he ends up alone ... you take care xxx
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A
female
reader, Auntie Stoned +, writes (6 February 2009):
Well, I've never experienced it but if I were in your position, I would have told him good riddance. For all the 16 years you have dedicated your life to be with him, he obviously did not appreciate you at all. What has happened to the vows of marriage for richer or poorer, for better or worse? Sayonara. Start new life all over again. Go for dating again. Need dating advice? Ask here and go to Dating Goddess. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, charron +, writes (6 February 2009):
HelloI really don't knopw what to say. After years together. I'm glad you know about it now.. You should try to make a new life after what he has done. As for the other womman she is no better. He should remember that he may leave her too for someone else!!I would not want to be with anyone who does not want me..there is no point. life is for living and making the best of everyday. you never know what is around the corner. I do honeslty believe if 2 peple cant live togther then there is NO POINT. If i had a husband or partner that cheated on me i would leave.. Because if he was happy he would not do this.. Stay strong i know this must be very hard for you and a shock. Don't look back move forward make yourself happy you only have you and your freinds, family etc. Good luck xx
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