A
female
age
51-59,
*Confused:(~
writes:I'm not sure if I am in the minority or not but here goes. I am a sexually frustrated wife. I have been married for over 17 yrs. with kids. My husband has suggested to me over many years that I find a boyfriend that can keep up with me. Is there anybody out there that thinks this is normal? Is this normal?I just don't get it. It really hurt my feelings. Why would a husband want another man to take care of his business? I don't think I'm bad looking. But even if I was I am still his wife.When I said I was going to find a boyfriend I was told he was just kidding. He wanted to see how far I would go with it. I stated I only wanted him but if necessary I would find one. I was then basically told to be safe.Thoughts?
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female
reader, ~Confused:(~ +, writes (24 October 2009):
~Confused:(~ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of your replies!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): I think your husband feels guilty because he is unable to have sex as frequently as before because this is one of the nasty quirks of nature that the male partener becomes bored with sex with the same partener after several years of being exclusively together and this shows as losing interest in sex. that is why the sexuals aids and accessories industry is so huge as couples try to rekindle the old flame by introducing sexual items such as sexy lingerie, strap ons, and vibrators into the play. so when once complete nudity was a great turn on now such items are needed to turn the male on while other more adventurous types think of swapping parteners and 3somes.your really shouldn't feel hurt because even if you wer the most beautiful woman in the world the same still could happen. That is why as we see in the news that the husbands of some of the most beautiful movie stars still stray.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): You want one thing, he wants another. There is no answer to that. He is making light of the issue to save the relationship. He's kidding. With you, there's no stopping. I think when you look at a relationship, you weigh up the pluses and minuses. Some-times either one has to say, ok, with this issue, I need to give in and be greatful for every-thing else. After all, each has their reasons.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (14 August 2009):
 Oh i think you called his bluff and he got mad and instead of swallowing his pride hes wlling to let you go out and find a BF
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (14 August 2009):
wow thats interesting well personally i could say why he said that though and theres a huge possibility he ment it. Im sure he wants you to be satisfied sexually if he cant do it hwy not get some one who can hes had you all to himself for 17 yrs why not share f it means you get yours. He wont feel cheated on because he gave you permission he probably likes the fact that you where pissed at the suggestion .He knows at the end of the day or night youll be coming back and cooking his dinner.But i think you should sit down and talk to him without being angry in a loving way about this just ask him why he would tell you that and tell him you love him and you should be able to work something out.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 August 2009):
Sounds like he feels really badly about the fact that he's not satisfying you.
He feels like he's not man enough so he tries to hide his upset by saying macho stupid statements like "go and find someone else, see if I care!"
Do you let him know you want him? Do you make him feel like he's not enough for you? Have you said that you are upset by his comments?
You need to stop playing mind games with each other and sit down and talk. Tell him you want him to be honest about why he says these stupid things and tell him it makes you feel unattractive because it comes across that he doesn't want you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Perspicacious +, writes (14 August 2009):
It's not the first time I have heard of such things, but it's not exactly what I would call "normal" either.A key question seems to be why are you sexually frustrated? Has he just lost all interest in the bedroom, or is your drive simply higher than his?If there are problems / lack of interest in the bedroom then this would suggest an underlying problem in the relationship. I would then firmly believe that it would be far better directing your energy in to solving those than finding and keeping another lover.If you simply possess different sex drives then again I would have thought there are better ways of dealing with that - I believe there are some very good battery operated toys on the market!You really need to find out why he has said this, before doing anything else and seeing what you can do as a couple about that. In the majority of cases bringing a third party into the relationship, even with the other partners "blessing", tends to be a road which most marriages don't survive. Therefore I would urge you to tread with caution.
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