A
male
age
36-40,
*ole
writes:hello, Ive been married for a few years now and i care for my wife and i love my daughter. But im not in love with my wife, i feel so unhappy and depressed i dont know what to do, my wife loves me and i dont like see her unhappy but im afraid to tell her how i really feel. I dont want to hurt her feelings cause shes happy and i do care for her, but i make a big sacrifice by doing so, my own happiness, i really really dont want to hurt her and make things hard on my daughter when she gets old enough to understand. Im the man in the iron mask what do i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): ok then. just don't wait 34 years to tell your wife that you don't want her. i suggest you read the post about the married guy, having an affair, in the process of leaving his wife because now he realises he didn't love his wife in the first place. so what i am saying - do not waste your wifes life anymore, don't be selfish. do the right thing and release her. let her move on to find someone who will love her. wish you find what you are also looking for.
A
male
reader, kole +, writes (14 August 2009):
kole is verified as being by the original poster of the question ive been married only 3 years, no im sorry to disappoint there is no other women I promise. I am faithful to her, i guess i just got so use to being with her over the past 5 years. This may sound strange but i do still find her attractive if theres enyone thinking thats the problem. Im just not in love with her and i dont think i have ever been i thought her love was enough i guess
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): i agree with some of the aunts here. .........i smell the other woman lurking about, don't you? more information needed esp who you have replaced your wifes affections with. you only want out because you have her replacement already?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): Theres gotta be another woman he's got his eye on. Theres ALWAYS another woman when a man posts these type of things...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): When you leave make sure your daughter sees you reliably and reguarly and knows when you will see her next. Be flexible with your wifes ups and downs because she will be going through the stages of grief, at times anger which may complicate things. Don't pick up another woman straight away. Wait a few years before you present the new woman. If you stay, you will only grow resentful. If you leave, you need to cope with your wifes grief, so be nice, wear it on the chin and remain stable and understanding. Your daughter may also be grieved but not if you are reguarly around. Pay your daughter attention or she will feel rejected. If you leave with your daughter not knowing whether you are coming and going it will psychologically effect her. The same as being rejected. Anger is a hurt emotion, it doesn't mean I don't want to see you again. It means I have missed you. Be careful not to misinterpret any action. I don't want to see or talk to you doesn't mean that in a child. Their emotions are not displayed like adults, but primitive. So don't get angry back at that. It just means I'm hurt, I miss you. Your daughter will go through a lot of ups and downs, but all will be well if she knows the love and the security of contact wont change and give her attention individually or she may blame herself.
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A
male
reader, Perspicacious  +, writes (14 August 2009):
This may sound like a strange question, but what is love?Is it that thrill, the excitement and the passion when you were first together?If the answer is yes, then the bad news is that doesn't last! After a few years it does go, and is replaced by a more gentle, caring, companionship type of love.This is perfectly normal, indeed it is unavoidable as both feelings are governed by the release of hormones and after a few years the hormones the brain releases change.If this is the problem, then you need to consider what it is you want from relationships. Is it to be constantly chasing the "high" and "buzz" you get at the start, or is it to develop something longer lasting and more meaningful? Sadly, too many people these days confuse that thrill with love and flit from one relationship to another always chasing the next hit - much like an addict!Of course, sometimes the love does indeed go from a relationship. People change, or something occurs that damages the trust. Before you decide to do anything you need to consider hard why it is you feel this way. Perhaps all you need to do is adapt to your maturing relationship, or maybe find more special time for you and your wife to be a couple together (that is often hard once you have a family too).Or maybe there are deeper underlying problems that you need to address. Without a good understanding of what the issue is you aren't really in a position to make a positive step forward, yet could decide to do something you grow to regret in the years to come.
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