A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband has three grown children from a previous marriage. Their mother left him and them when the kids were teenagers. He finished raising them with no help from her and she had a good job; was fully able to contribute financially. My husband never took her to court, he just took care of all their needs. He sent one son to college and the credit card bills we still owe bear witness to this. My husband bends over backwards for these kids even now that they are adults. He showers them and the grandkids with gifts at every opportunity. He has always loved them unconditionally and they know it. They love him, too.But, these same kids bend over backwards to try to please their mother. I've seen him on holidays be so sad when they don't come to visit because they are having some kind of get-together with their mom's family. I know I'm getting psychological with this question, but are these kids trying to win their mother's love by doing so much for her? In the meantime Dad, who sacrificed so much, sits and waits for a scrap of attention.It just makes me angry knowing how much it would mean to him to have their attention and knowing how she doesn't deserve it.Anyone else have this problem?
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female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (9 April 2009):
 Dad has become a sort of safety net, which is good in a way. They know they have him, that he loves them, that they have a whole family with him.
What they don't know is how their mom feels about them, which is sad. I am willing to bet she messed around with their emotions after she left. They are probably just trying to figure out where they stand with her, and unfortunately it is hurting you and your husband in return.
However, this is not for you to bring up. If this really bothers him, then I would encourage him to be honest with his kids about how their actions hurt him. But please understand it's not that they love her more than him, they just are trying to figure out if she loves them.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 April 2009):
 This would tick me off too. I don't know what you can do about it however. Would it be possible to mention to the eldest child that Dad is feeling neglected, or will that just cause more problems?
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (9 April 2009):
 i think that the kids are trying to gain moms love and respect w/out taking into consideration what their father has done, when a child is faced with a divorce they most of the time feel like it is their fault that the divorce has occured therefore they are probably trying to show mommy that they are better and she shouldnt have left them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): I guess everyone wants their mother love and they properly can't bring themselves to let her go without a fight. It's notthing to do with your husband, they grew up without her love and properly the little kid comes out when they see their mother and crave her love.
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