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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: 21 years married 24 years together, two kids, I was happy I thought I had the best husband, he was so good to me then the unexpected happened 3 1/2 years ago he had an affair, from the internet, I was unable to forget....I fougnt with him constantly, everything I held sacred was ruined..he couldnt take it so he went back and got himself facebook which I never knew about, from there he met more women I suppose, one day we had a fight he left and never came back, my 20 year old son just called him a coward but I thought he was wrong....I was then inboxed by a woman who claims to have been my friend and said she had been tracking my husbands facebook for the last year....why?? she inboxed me anonymously......?and told me my husband was with a woman she gave me the name when I went to the womans facebook there in front of me was my husband's pics all spread out on this woman's facebook page...and Iwent to his facebook page which said his status was "in a relationship"so was this woman who had his pics..her status was also "in a relationship" Iwas devastated....I am lost everyone and anyome says I deserve better, that he was up to no good for a long time...my husband denies everything he says he met this woman shes someone who appreciated him there just friends he claims the woman as likeing everything he was doing on facebook and was tagging his pics on her wall who does that if there is no connection....I am just lost and devastated, I still love him. he just disappeared no calling his kids just texts them...my daughter says she doesnt remember how her dads voice sounds like anymore he just denies everything and says I will never have him back again... :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha thanks, I have been to a lawyer, my husband didnt expect me to go as for the physical abuse, my kids are right behind me...my son has straight up called his dad a liar and that he would go to court and be a witness that never happened, see my husband pulled that lie before when I hit him with a pillow, I was trying to wake him up because I found a dating site and he was pretending to be asleep....so he is using the same card again..this time his kids are way older...and have my back..
and I am ahead of you I have the pics the womans picture and the letter stating everything he was doing....I believe the reason he left was because he was exposed!!
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 I really urge you to get a consult with a divorce attorney. Here in the US, what you do next could have a big effect on your financial future, and from what I've heard from friends, some of the strategies are counterintuitive. In other words, you need a PLAN. And the plan has to be designed by an expert at protecting YOU, and your children.
I know you are dumbfounded and upset but this isn't going to help you in the long run. Pull yourself together for an hour, long enough to contact the friends who have gone through a split and get the name of the attorney who helped them through it.
Then contact a counselor and make an appointment for tomorrow. It sounds as though you are paralyzed and don't know what to do next, so please do your best to make those few phone calls.
You need to address the physical abuse issue as well, ask the attorney how to handle those allegations and do not allow yourself to be branded as abusive if you are not.
I'm sending you some virtual backbone here, get it together and get planning. That will make you feel better, if you start to gain some control over the situation. Knowledge is power.
I would make copies of all the facebook pages that suggest your husband is having an affair, print them out so that if they are removed, you still have a record of them.
Keep all the texts and write down any phone calls he might make. Document, I don't know if it will help in the long run but the act of logging the contact may help you focus on the plan rather than on the loss.
If you have been having problems for 3 years, why didn't you go seek marriage counseling or help at the time of the affair? Three and half years of this upset and unhappiness has no doubt taken a toll on everyone in the family.
Get some practical help and the nightmare won't be so daunting.
Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Hi. If his cheating on you 3 and a half years ago turned the relationship toxic. If its the cause of your fights and continual unhappiness. And the last big fight made him leave. Difficult though it may be. Prehaps his leaving was for the best. Rebuilding a relationship will only work if the partner who was cheated on can find it in their hearts to forgive. Unfortunately it doesnt sound as if that happened in the case of you and your husband. Its sad but you cant turn the clock back years and make him change into the loving husband you knew before he cheated. It is distressing but it has to be accepted if you are both going to move on and not drive yourself and the children nuts. Its already caused a rift between you and his family. And your children will have been affected by the fighting, his coldness and how its all affected you. And now it might be time to say, enough is enough. Try to accept he means he is never coming back and ask him to finance some counselling so you can get over his betrayal and move on. Its the least he can do for you.What hes been getting up to is anyones guess. Many cruise Facebook hooking up with total strangers. So it could be possible that he and this woman on Facebook had a thing going on for some time. The same goes for the woman who contacted you. She could be someone that knew of you through him. If they had been 'friends' and it went bad, she could have been watching him for a while, waiting for him to put a foot wrong so she could have her revenge. Its difficult to know.One things for sure though. You didnt deserve to be cheated on. I truly hope you can start to mend and move on soon. All the best.
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (22 November 2010):
 You are so much better off without this man. At the very least, he should be trying to repair his relationships with the kids. The anonymous email you received is very interesting. My guess is that it came from his girlfriend… or another jilted lover of his.
Did you ever contact his girlfriend on Facebook to find out what was going on between them? Does she live locally… and are they still in a relationship?
Do you plan to file for divorce? You deserve so much better than this man!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I need to clarify that of his disappearance he left for 3 days without no one knowing where he was then he came back to his sisters...so no one would blame him he told everyone I physically abused him...then I was inboxed about the other woman....his family is on his side my kids are dumbfounded on how the dad could think of such lies, he says the kids are 20 and 16 and can fend for themselves...that he didnt leave them while they were small. I find this has really affected my 16 year old daughter...she doesnt want anything to do with him.....
but yes he is around at the family's house but we are only texted by him on the cell not see him physically.....
I cant believe this is the same man I married I feel like I am in a nightmare and anytime soon I am going to wake up... :'(
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (22 November 2010):
This is terrible. Nobody should have to deal with something like this. When did your husband leave? You said he just disappeared. Do you mean he disappeared from your life… or do you mean that you have no idea where he is?
Obviously, he has lied to you about his relationship with this other woman. Is he with her now? And did you try contacting the woman to find out her story? I imagine she had no idea he was married.
This man sounds incredibly callous and cold. Not only has he deserted you, but he has pretty much abandoned your children as well. It’s time for you to close the book on this chapter and start a new one. Have either of you filed for divorce yet?
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female
reader, carefree +, writes (22 November 2010):
Omg, I'm so sorry. You and your kids seriously deserve so much better. I honestly think, this kinda behavious doesn't just develope overnight. I think that he might have been doing this way before you actually found out. Either way, he left and is most likely in a relationship with that other woman. You need to find a good laywer, get all the info off of that facebook page, divorce him and make sure you and your kids are provided for. What kind of a father leaves his kids just to fulfill his own desires and pleasures. These kids are his responsibility as well. You need to move on. Divorce him and make sure you get as much as you can so that you can provide for your kids. Focus on your kids and yourself. Leave him live in his own disgusting life. Cheer up cuz you and your kids deserve way better. Best of luck my friend.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 November 2010):
Get the very best lawyer you can find and make sure you and your children are provided for--this man has abandoned you and you have to face the future. I'm sorry he's gone, it's terrible and an awful thing he did to you. Make sure you have the support you need from your friends and family, and start planning for your future, making the assumption that he means what he says, that he is not coming back. If he wanted to work things out, he'd be there with you, fighting for the marriage. He is not, he has chosen to leave.
Please do your best to do what needs to be done to make sure your children are provided for and let your friends and family take care of your emotional support. I'm sorry for how badly he has treated you. Take care.
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female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Shows how much he cares about you and your children!!! You and your children deserve so much better! It's hard when you still love someone, but he is clearly messing you around and lying to you and your children. You shouldn't have to put up with this. Tell him you have had enough of him and his lies and turn your back on him. Yes it will be hard, but you have to do it for your own sanity and the sanity of your children.
It's not fair, it won't be easy but you need to find the strength to get away from this emotional abuse. I wish you all the best, be strong for your children...
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