A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, I'm confused.After spending nearly 4 months in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, I'm getting ready to visit her. The problem is, I have no idea how my girlfriend views our relationship or me. She is not the type who likes to talk all the time and is pretty independent. For our first 3 months apart, this meant we did video chat about 3 times every 2 weeks or so. We had our ups and downs, but overall things were good. As she moved to a new place and knew no one, there were times where I had to cheer her up often as she got depressed and lonely. However, in the past month things haven't been going very well. For the last few weeks, she's been visited by a male friend of hers, who is single. When I asked her if I had anything to worry about, she got upset and asked if I trusted her, though later apologized. The next time we spoke, I was feeling a little depressed, and asked why she hadn't expressed much affection for me recently. She responded that I was being burdensome for asking for affection and support, and that I should focus on living my life here. This hurt a lot considering I was willing to give emotional support when she needed it.Another thing that has hurt my feelings is her very visible chats with her male friend on facebook since he's left. She's said that she misses his company and makes clear how much fun they've had together. I have no problem with her having fun with friends, but she has expressed no visible excitement about me coming to visit recently, either on facebook or to me personally. Every time I ask her if she is the response usually a very curt "of course."A few weeks ago she sent me an e-mail which said she still loves me and apologized for not expressing it enough. Is it possible that she's lost interest in me in so short a time, or could her recent behavior just an expression of nervousness about how things will go when I visit? Needless to say, I've been hiding how much she's hurt my feelings when we talk, because I know this is the type of thing that can only be resolved when we're together in person.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): i would not waste a cent on visiting her. Sadly for you i think it is over. But she is keeping you on ice just in case she and her facebook friend don't work out. You have been a shoulder to cry on, so she may be guilty about admitting its 'over'. Her curt reply said it all to me. You do not speak like that to someone you care about.
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (22 November 2010):
Hate to say it, but it seems to me she is losing interest. I only say this out of plenty of experience. I've seen it happen so many times out of long distance relationships.
She has always looked to you for affection, attention, and love but the void can never be fully filled as long as you're physically apart. Now she has a guy friend who can be that funny, attention giving person for her and she's somewhat (maybe even subconsciously to her) replaced you.
You need to seriously talk to her and express how dangerous it is for your relationship for her to be this close with another guy.
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