A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for a year and the problem is that I think my husband doesn't love me. The only time when he kisses me or hugs me is when he wants to have sex. To make it worse, when we have sex it is all about him, receiving massages, oral sex and having his orgasm and it is never my turn!!! The very few times when he gives me oral sex he is very rough and hurts me, I feel like he does it to get himself aroused and not to please me, anyway he never does it for enough time for me to cum because it's his turn. A few times I have tried to make him touch me once he has finished but I end up even more frustrated because he begins to touch me and then falls sleep or starts to watch TV and gets distracted. I think he is not even attracted to me because he can't stand to have sex with the lights on.What can I do, I am desperate, I have talked to him about it and he changed but it lasted for about two weeks. I think he just doesn't care about me.
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female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (28 November 2008):
you just need to tell him you dont want to have sex as you are tired or whatever. make an excuse. do this for a few times and he may get the message.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionguess what!! I talked to him , I told him that he never cares if I got any pleasure...and he just got mad and went to sleep!!!!!
next morning he tries to have sex like nothing happened!!!! I am really pissed so I don´t let him................ I WANT TO TALK!!!!! but he gets mad at me again and wont talk....after a while he says that he doesn´t want me to get mad and that we both should get pleasure....
Anyway a decide to forget about the subject because the next two times we did it he made sure I came.... but that was it!!! we have had sex two more times and again he just does his stuff and kisses me good night
I know that sometimes you just want a quickie but I am afraid that we are back on the beginning!!! I have talked to him four times already along our relationship about this I really don´t know what to do !!!
I don´t want to leave him because we are married and I want to make it work but I won´t keep begging him to do anything and besides is not a great turn on to know he is doing it because I begged!!.
The only solution I can think of is forgetting about pleasure for me and stop worrying about his as well. He can forget about me making ANY EFFORT to please him in any way, and if he still wants sex I will let him but do it but I wont even move!!! and I will be watching tv!!!lets see how he likes that....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionguess what!! I talked to him , I told him that he never cares if I got any pleasure...and he just got mad and went to sleep!!!!!
next morning he tries to have sex like nothing happened!!!! I am really pissed so I don´t let him................ I WANT TO TALK!!!!! but he gets mad at me again and wont talk....after a while he says that he doesn´t want me to get mad and that we both should get pleasure....
Anyway a decide to forget about the subject because the next two times we did it he made sure I came.... but that was it!!! we have had sex two more times and again he just does his stuff and kisses me good night
I know that sometimes you just want a quickie but I am afraid that we are back on the beginning!!! I have talked to him four times already along our relationship about this I really don´t know what to do !!!
I don´t want to leave him because we are married and I want to make it work but I won´t keep begging him to do anything and besides is not a great turn on to know he is doing it because I begged!!.
The only solution I can think of is forgetting about pleasure for me and stop worrying about his as well. He can forget about me making ANY EFFORT to please him in any way, and if he still wants sex I will let him but do it but I wont even move!!! and I will be watching tv!!!lets see how he likes that....
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (18 November 2008):
it's simple...don't give him any oral,etc untill you have had some. us girls need to learn not to give blow job,etc untill we have had some fun.
i've been in this situation a few times, where it's all about them. one of my ex's i gave a hand job to one time and after he just said let's go to the pub then. nothing for me at all!
so after that i stopped giving to him unless he had already given to me.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (18 November 2008):
 I know you already said you talked about it but you just need to talk about it again. Be absolute. You can't be in an unloving, unfulfilling relationship where you feel like you are wanted only for the sexual pleasure of someone else. Sex is supposed to be beautiful and about making each other feel good - and not all for one and to be selfish. If you're unhappy in all aspects then maybe you should leave, and if he's not willing to work on things and change what choice do you have? Perhaps you could consider marriage counselling? and if he cares he'd be willing to try. Make sure you make it very clear, be very blunt, how you feel and what you want and the way you see things.
Best of luck.
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