A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 26 and my husband is 28. We've got a four-year-old son who is so adorable, and my husband is a great father. For the past month and a half his behaviour has been suspicious. He's been going out late at night claiming to have extra work - yet we've never had any extra income. He's also been smartening himself up a lot too when he goes out at night - wearing a business suit. Yet when he comes back he's always wanting loads of sex, and I say yes every time thinking he's been working hard.After a month and a half I've become suspicious, due to the fact we've had no extra income, so I hired a private detective. He followed my husband for the past 3 weeks, and gave me the report. I was shocked by what I found out - my husband had been visiting male prostitutes in a large town.The investigator said that he'd heard my husband say to one of the prostitutes "It's no sex only, it's just an emotional affair, right?" and the guy said "Fine with me mate, as long as I get paid good money!!!"I confronted my husband with this evidence and he didn't deny it, he just sounded guilty and said to me that they gave him emotional intimacy that he couldn't get from me. He said he'd never slept with any of them at all, and had been tested by a doctor and he didn't have any sexually-transmitted diseases, AIDs or HIV. He's never cheated on me before now.I'm in two minds, should I stay or should I go??what do I do now??Roxanne
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rAcKeR  +, writes (18 November 2008):
This sounds like a complex case, and I'm not sure anyone on this board would be able to answer it fully (unless there's some psychiatrists or neuropsychologists lurking about..) I really do suggest seeking counseling, only because a trained counselor would really know what's best.Here's my take.. He obviously cares about you and your son together, otherwise he would have just got up and left. He didn't want to hurt your feelings, which is why he kept it a secret. BUT, either one of you, or both of you, aren't trying hard enough to keep yourselves in love. He isn't feeling that "connection" any more that brought you together in the first place. What was it that first made him love you? Think about it, and see if you're doing any of those things that originally got him to love you and want to marry you. Has your married relationship gotten stale? I sense that it has. Try doing exciting things together. Remember, your husband isn't supposed to be just your spouse, he's also supposed to be your best friend (in a way), and that's where the emotional connection really comes in. In ancient greece, young males would engage in relationships with an older man prior to becoming a "true" adult and marrying because the male-male bond was thought to be sacred. Even though they truly weren't gay, and they eventually married women and lived fulfilling lives, the emotional and mental bond between males was considered very important. If you lost that bond with your husband, or if he lost it with you, he could just be "going greek" in a way to fill that emotional void.Take a look at your relationship and see if anything has gone missing or if either of you have changed since you first fell in love. And again, see a counselor, because the only way to truly know is to talk it about between you, your husband, and someone who has dealt with many cases like this prior to yours. And please remember, he still does care about you, otherwise he would have left you. And trust me, guys do lie to protect their spouse's feelings, so he cared about you enough to try and at least save you from being upset about his new late night habit.
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