A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Is it okay for a husband to exchanges emails of his sexual fantasies to two friends of mine which the two friends responded back to them. They have been doing for a while. This was his second time. I am confuse whether I should forgive him or what.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, planetanarchy +, writes (28 January 2010):
Well you need to learn how to realize and establish your boundaries with people. If they don;t respect your boundaries after making it clear,you need to follow that up with a consequence you warned them of. If your man and your friends continue to disrepect you, then you know what you need to do. To be honest, I would never do such a thing to a friend because I already have a lot of respect for other people, and not jsut concerned with my own entertainment. If I were in your friend's shoes I would polietely email your husband back saying " I do not feel comfortable and appropriate with this, please stop and I will also be notifying my friend about this."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your insight... it really helps me alot and just had talk with my husband.. I think we will be okay.. pray for us.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 January 2010):
He's doing it to take himself away from the stress in the marriage. That's really the only reason. So you both need to sit down and really work on the marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010): I think it depends on who these friends are. I share fantasies with close girl friends of mine, but if his friends are of the opposite sex I find it inappropriate. It could eventually be counted as cheating.
The solution is that you two talk about the lines and grey-areas of "cheating". You perhaps consider this cheating, or at least at the edge of it, and are not comfortable with that. He should respect that, but it is also likely that he doesn't consider it cheating, and so continues to do it. People have different definitions of cheating, and there are many black holes and grey areas that you didn't think about before you land in them. So have that talk with him, and the two of you need to compromise.
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A
female
reader, Gridrebel +, writes (28 January 2010):
 I'd say #1, time for some new friends. #2, time to get your relationship back on track with your husband. This is starting with online comunication (testing the waters), next thing you know, you'll all be playing cards together while they're playing footsies under the table or stealing kisses in the kitchen. Since you found out about this, what are the particulars of his fantasies? Can you role play and make all or part of his fantasies come true? Don't go too far if the fantasy makes you really uncomfortable. Sometimes, once a fantasy has been realized, it can lead to a greater and more involved fantasy(ies) than the first. Or, only the fantasy works and good old fashioned sex is no longer enjoyable. The fantasy becomes the norm and the obsession, essentially, creating a monster. Regardless, your husband needs to stay off the computer and get back into you. What he is doing is leads to NO GOOD.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear CaringGuy,
Thanks for your response.. I have talked to him about it and he mentioned that he wont do it again.. Yeah right!! I have gained weight as I had quit smoking and all that stress we have been having.. I m curious.. what is the main reason for any one to do this? Is it because they are not sexually attracted or been married too long.. we have been married for 21 years..
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 January 2010):
No, it's not. He shouldn't be sharing his fantasies with anyone but you, since he is your husband. This is his second time now. Don't allow another. Make it clear it has to stop, or you will leave. And mean it. Don't be second best. This is also a wake up call for the marriage, and maybe a time to really sit down with him and open up again. Get to know each other, spend time with each other. But if he won't stop with these emails, end it. Don't be second best.
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