How can I stop my jealousy, be secure again, be sexy, feel sexy again and get my relationship to a normal healthy state??

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

hello, i am 20 and my boyfriend is 41. we have been together almost 2 years. we started our relationship "Long Distance". After 3 1/2- 4 months of being together. I had my school prom and went with my ex. I kissed my ex and danced with him. I know how wrong this is and I never meant to hurt my current boyfriend, but I felt that I still had feelings for my ex and he lead me on. He reached in for the kiss and I went along with it. Anyways, I told my boyfriend about what happened and he still accepted me in his life as his girlfriend. I have made a lot of mistakes, like talking to other guys, from the past(before him) and this has had a major affect in our relationship. He has major trust issues, because of this. But he has had trust issues before, already. Since we got together he always assumed i was cheating and he said i was cheating in a joking way over text, but i feel like although he said he was kidding, he really felt that way. After some time of him telling me constantly I was cheating, which i was not, I told him to stop it. he said sorry but that didnt last. He continued to harrasse me. I always felt him too pushy and demanding, like always wanting to know where i am, what i'm doing, who i'm with, etc. I lived with a very strict grandma and I had told him... I was busy all the time at home, doing chores after getting home from school, but he never wanted to stop talking. And honestly I really needed space. It was too much for me. The stress with school, home and other personal issues were enough for me and I just felt like he was way too demanding and insecure, which was adding more to my stress. well after him knowing i cheated and all... I moved in with him after graduation. We were pushed into this situation. To my preference, I wish I wasn't even here right now. We didn't get enough time to get to know each other more, because I left my home. Abuse, etc... so with that being said, when i came to live with him, i kept in touch with my ex and a guy friend who I met before my current boyfriend, which I know I shouldn't have done. After some time I wanted to prove to him I was not like everyone else who cheated, and I told him he was too pushy and demanding and I needed space. I think that's the true reason why I cheated cuz of the way he acted towards me. I even told him, but he refuses to believe that and just entirely blames me. So, after some time of trying he was really making me feel as if there was no hope and the day I really changed for the worse was when he called me a "bitch" and yelled at me. So I made online contacts over chats, etc and started to talk to other people. He didn't make me feel wanted or sexy anymore and always insulted me. So i wanted someone else's attention :( I did get it, but it did not satisfy me, because what I realized was that I needed the attention from my boyfriend and I was acting on chatting as a way of yelling out for attention and to make him feel jealous. I have told him this and my feelings but he refuses to understand. So he does not trust me... and he likes saving girls pictures, porn, and always bookmarking girls myspaces. Over time this has really affected me, and I am 100% insecure. I don't feel sexy anymore, and he doesn't make it any better by shoving pictures and the porn in my face, every damn day. He supposedly stopped the porn like a month ago because I really broke down and could not take it anymore. It was messing me up in the head. And I am afraid he will do it again because I was mad earlier... he brought up the cheating and then he said we never do anything besides watch movies, and we don't save pictures anymore nor watch porn. So I said "do what you want then,if that's what you truly want, I don't own you". Maybe that's what he wanted to hear, to have an excuse to do it, although he knows i am not okay with it. I just said that out of anger because he keeps bugging me with the porn. I hate it so much, he has no idea how bad those things hurt me, psychologically. He is truly obsessed with pornography. I am so paranoid and insecure! I want my life back but I want it by his side, although he hurts me. I can understand he is doing it because I hurt him first, but is this ever going to end??? I want to be happy. I have gained a lot of weight now that i am with him. I guess I stopped caring about my weight since he told me he would love me either way, and I had nothing to worry about. I am trying to lose weight now, and I want to get my security back, but how do I do that? How can I stop my jealousy, be secure again, be sexy, feel sexy again and get my relationship to a normal healthy state?? Can anyone please help me??? ={ I would truly appreciate it, thanks. - xoxo

View related questions: insecure, jealous, lose weight, moved in, my ex, myspace, porn, text, want to be happy

Reply to this Question

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (28 January 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer