A
female
age
51-59,
*la33
writes:My husband and I have separate bank accounts. years ago we had a joint one and I think it was me who decided I didn't want one anymore with him anymore as we were going through a bad time, I had trust issues with him about dating sites I had found and I wasn't sure I wanted to be with him anymore. I didn't want to be connected with him with the bank account or any bills that were in both our names and have any financial connection to him in anyway as he as a poor credit history and it was reflecting on my credit score. all these years later I find that he is taking out a loan here and there behind my back and this only came about because he got a phone call when I was with him from a company saying the direct hadn't gone through and he said to try it again. he said to me he had applied for a loan just to get by with paying some bills.I think he should be telling me when he is going to take out a loan if he needs to as I don't think it is right to do it behind my back because we are married and I should know about it.He does pay all the bills and I buy anything we need for the house. the loan is in his name only but because I had trust issues with him I didn't want to be finding something like this out and I start wondering if he is using the money on another woman.Does anyone agree with me about this or not.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2020): HiYou have trust issues with your husband and have made the choice to separate finances. He pays his bills, you state but he has taken loans out behind your back. Which I guess could impact you if things go wrong with repayments etc.Over to you, I think your lack of trust is founded and for a good reason, but you clearly have a poor marriage, so why you are still together is beyond me. Why don't you pay half of the bills? this would take some of the financial responsibility off him. Real married couples work together, solve problems together, are rich or poor together, sick or healthy together. Your separateness tells me something is missing. They trust each other.I doubt he has spare money to spend on another woman if he is also supporting your household paying all the bills.Look closer at your own involvment in this marriage.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2020): I just note that he is paying for everything from your joint account.Presumably you set that up for exactly that reason.I think you see being married as your right but I find it exasperating that you expect to continue to live free (apart from household shopping) because you now have your own account and it will reflect on your credit score.Actually I think I it quite possible that hubby also pays for household stuff as well at the end of the month say when he is squaring up the accounts.Maybe it would do you good to pay all the bills for a change and let him do the shopping.Then you might understand the need for a loan when money is tight.You could sit down with him and take an interest in exactly what your costs are.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (3 December 2020):
 This appears to have less to do with the actual loans than your lack of trust in your husband. The loans are not really your concern, just where he is spending the money.
Lack of trust in a relationship is a dripping tap which will slowly erode the foundations of the relationship. You need to decide whether you trust him or whether you don't otherwise you will just carry on driving yourself crazy about everything which could, in your eyes, point towards him being unfaithful. Is this how you want to live for the rest of your life?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 December 2020):
 Talk to the bank.
IF your name is still on the shared bank account and he is taking out loans they NEED to have your signature too. At least most banks would require this. I know ours does.
And tell your husband to not take out loans without talking to you BEFORE hand. That is common sense.
While he pays the bills (as far as you know) I think you two ought to sit down and make a budget. See where your finances are at. It's cop out to say " He pays the bills and I pay for this and that" it is no excuse not knowing where you are at in your finances, because he pays the bills. He could be screwing you over financially 3 ways and sideways and you won't know, but LEGALLY you will still be responsible.
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