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female
age
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anonymous
writes: I'm in a terrible confusion, and I don't know what to think.. My husband is struggling with low sexual desire, and erectal dissfunction at the last few years.. He went for medical check-up, any ,they never found anything... He also has involuntary night erections..So it works.. But he never feels sexual, or if we have sex he is soft... Now, he was very horny before, I almost couldn't keep up with him...BUT NOW,he never wants it , and he says he just don't care about sex..Well , we went to sex therapist, but she didn't really get it what is going on with us... He says he loves me, and its not because of me.Ok ,that s nice, but than why? He was only 40 something when it started..But now a few weeks ago I got this idea, that he might be gay or something...He asked me to put my finger in his anus and he liked it/...I was so panicked... Well, I don't know what goes on with him.. I'm totally sure he doesn't have an affair. but I can imagine he might be going thru on one of those incredebly disturbing changes, and one day he will say''honey I'm gay'' or ""I want to be a woman''. He isn't a macho man, but he never made me think , he might be gay..My question is, is there anybody out there, who had a long term marriage and something like that happened ?I really don't know what to think..Please help ,if you can..
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (18 September 2008):
 The advice from "kinkydude" should be useful, and I agree that it is too soon to suspect he is gay. All kinds of things - such as stress at work or otherwise, emotional ups and downs, medications and more - can affect anyone's libido. Also, it is true that sexual desire ebbs at times during a marriage, and this is one of the challenges in keeping a marriage together. I think that the most revealing thing you mention is that "he just don't care about sex." The Viagra recommendation is good for erectile dysfunction, but desire is still needed. Blood pressure medication often interferes with capability to gain or maintain erection, but the primary need is desire and stimulation. My suggestion would be to look for clues about what may be making your husband unhappy or disinterested. Best wishes.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): Having a finger touching his anus and enjoying it doesn't make anyone gay. He is gay if he attracted to men and not women.
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A
male
reader, kinkydude  +, writes (18 September 2008):
have you been married long? Is he taking some kind of medication for his prostate, like proscar?
For one thing, a little sexual variation may help. The finger anus thing doesn't mean he's gay, thats certain. I would have him try Maca, or Ginseng, or if he doesn't have any conditions that would prohibit him from using Yohimbe, go for it. Also Cialis might be a good thing.
Also, if a guy is really anxious or depressed, it really messes with the sex drive. Furthermore:
Men, like women need to feel relaxed and good, to be in "the mood".
Love making should also be very conscious, that way it builds intimacy, and
close intimate love making doesn't get boring (or it hasn't as far as I'm concerned)- conscious love builds attraction and love, I believe.
So try exploring different sexual avenues...if he's not leading the way, you lead the way a bit, than see if he takes over. Ideally men should be the initiators, but if thats not happening, you really need to start the change,
otherwise you risk losing the attraction, and then you're both lost.
Its a 2 way street though.
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