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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I've become concerned about my husband lately, as in the past few months he's been spending too much time with my dad, and not enough with me and the kids (two boys, one is 6 years old, the other 8).When they first me, they got on great, and they still do now. In fact, they seem to ignore me and act is if they're still "the lads"!My husband ignored our son's 6th birthday to go out on an all-day booze with my dad, and also didn't come with me when it was our 8-year-old son's play at school, instead preferring to go out again boozing with my dad.Every opportunity he can get to spend with him, he takes it. My mum isn't happy at all, and neither am I, in fact I'm furious.Now he's told me that he's going off for a week in the countryside with him, and there's nothing I can do about it, he said.I spoke to my dad about it but he said "Don't you tell me what to do!" and refused to discuss it any more.It's a shame, as we used to get on well, now he just ignores me to spend time with my husband.My mum spoke to him, but he just ranted at her about his supposed "loss of freedom"!It got the same response from my husband too when I discussed it with him. He just insisted "it's the lads having fun", but I feel this is happening too often for my liking - I barely see my husband, due to work, and then him spending time with my dad.My sons are always asking "Where's Dad?" and I keep on having to make excuses that he's at work. I hate having to lie like this.It's causing me stress and strain, what can I do to stop myself being this way??please help me, I just don't know where to turn!Kerri (26)
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female
reader, Lovely Sweet Laura  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Wow, it sounds like they are avoiding their family responsibilities completely. If neither of them had the tendency to do this in the beginning than I can understand your concern...but unfortunately your concern isn't important to them....why? I think there may be more to it than you know. Not only that, but I think you may have trouble finding out what is so important about the two of them spending so much time together. They are avoiding it completely. If they enjoy spending time together..that's great, who's to say your mother and your self can't be there too? They aren't including you though, so I think there be more to it than that. I'm not sure what to tell you about trying to find out what it is though. It will be difficult as neither of them are willing to talk about it and immediately go on the defensive. That isn't reasonable which is why i think they are keeping something from you. I could be wrong, but I wouldn't be surprised if I'm right. I hope you are able to understand the relationship between the two of them and why it comes ahead of everything else. There is something going on that they don't want to share. Best of luck!
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