A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help! I have only been married 1yr. Well next month will make it a year. We have been together 3years though. I am in the military and i am currently deployed. I work out a lot to keep stress down, and to give myself something to do. My husband just just told me that i don't need to work out anymore, and why do i work out. I am a small person and the crazy thing about it is when he first met me i was maybe 120. I have always been small and not by choice. I wouldn't mind being a little bit more curvy but that's not me and this is who i am. Before i left to deploy i was at maybe 135 the biggest i have ever been. Which was not a problem. He saw me for the first time the other day on Skype in like 3 months and was like you have lost weight. I was like yea maybe 5 pounds, but you can't even tell. He was like will i can tell. I said 5 pounds and you can really tell. He went into saying i don't need to work out anymore and that i was fine the way i was when i left home, and who wants a wife with no hips. Who wants a skinny wife and that it's embarrassing. Also that i could not afford to loose 5 pounds. I am 23 years old all my life i have been talked about because of my size, and even now people tend to make comments towards me about my size. I always think well my husband loves me this way, and for some reason that would make me feel better. Now to fine out that he don't even like my size it hurts. I don't understand why he married me if i was not what he wanted. Why start putting me down about something i can't even control. I don't know what to do. I am scared to talk to family about the situation because they would just bash him and not really help me. I am thinking about going to talk to a chaplain are to get some counseling. I don't know what to do are what to even think about my marriage anymore!
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 December 2011):
 Whatt??!! How strange, never heard of a man complaining about his military wife being too slim. It's usually the other way around, him complaining that his wife is fat and lazy!
Is this his first deployment with you? Do you have children? Maybe the pressure of deployment is weighing on him. Still no excuse to go bashing your weight.
On the other hand, it sounds like the issue is more deeply rooted than weight. Definitely talk with your chaplain when you get back and see if he can put you in touch with a decent marriage counselor on base.
For now, I would keep contact with him minimal. You need to focus on your deployment and coming home in one piece.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 December 2011):
 What is wrong with him? As far as I know men don't (in general) want fat unfit wives they want a wife other men want..
The problem is NOT you, it's him.
Talk to the chaplain, maybe he can give you some tools in how to deal with your dumb husband.
If he is that unhappy with your body, why did he marry you?
I'[m sorry I can understand why you are upset, he is acting like a total douche. You are a soldier and need to be fit. I think this has to do with you being deployed with other men, and maybe he think THAT is why you are keeping fit?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): I think you need to harden up. telling someone that they look like they have lost a bit of weight, or put some on, is a general comment, not a spiteful one. He's probably trying to be flattering by saying you don't have to work out, you're fine as you are, and is probably a little concerned for your health if you are losing weight when you don't need to. Don't be so oversensitive.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 I believe that his comments are not really about your weight! If you have always been small then it makes no sense that he would have a problem with it now! Perhaps this is another issue he has and he is just finding a way to vent? Could it be the separation? I don't know your relationship well enough... what do you think?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): As long as you aren't anorexic or really fat then I don't see why you're weight should be a problem if he truly loves you. Being too skinny makes it look like a girl is insecure about their weight and think they are fat when they are thin. Being really fat makes a girl look like she does not care about her health. Anywhere in between that is fine and if it's not fine for your husband then he doesn't truly love you. You can't love someone if a few pounds is a problem.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 IF your body image is THE factor in a marraiage weather small or large then it's not really about love it's about fantasy or something else. He is probably in love with an image but I would doubt it's you. i'd think reevaluation is an option since your body is what it is.
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