A
female
age
,
*iolet petal
writes:My husband is very focused on obtaining work, increasing income and needs to relax watching TV every night. I have not been good at getting his attention and would like to without forcing him. His interest has diminished completely. He is 61, I'm 50. I'm thinking of fixing this problem myself elsewhere. Am I horribly wrong? Are not I responsible for my own happiness? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, violet petal +, writes (27 August 2009):
violet petal is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks all for responding. I have asked for his attention, or to be playful, or if he is interested in intimacy. He says as long as he's not making enough money he's not interested in pleasure. So.....he sort of says 'do yourself'. I have a much stronger desire for physical contact. He just needs a hug. We are not matched too well in that area, but then again who is. Desire comes and goes like the ebb and flow of a marriage. I am thinking of having some fun. When I keep asking him, he gets annoyed. i think he would like to see my happy and not know how I got there...as long as I didn't make demands on him right now. P.S. I do garden, sew, paint, shop,decorate &work.I'd just like to have what comes naturally for me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): First and foremost..... communicate your unhappiness with your husband... he probably thinks you are as content as he is!!!After being together for so long, we tend to take each other for granted, hence the need to do things together with each other and for each other.... Looking for happiness....mmmm.... that bit worries me... what are you looking for?? Happiness can take many forms and doesnt have to be in the form of another person...But first, please talk to your hubby and if need be.. drag him off to a marriage counsellor!
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A
male
reader, EllsworthT  +, writes (26 August 2009):
Yes, take up a hobby like gardening, sewing, or seeing other men. I think most marriages end up like this, boring and routine, and loveless ("love" is overrated). I won't bother explaining to you why guys become like this because the rationale won't make you feel any better. Your husband is probably very content with his life and not even aware of the problem with your relationship or, if he is, he is just ignoring it until the problem fixes itself. Yes, you are responsible for your own happiness. Go out and have fun. When you get bored of your "second life", he will probably be bored with his, and you guys can get back in synch.
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