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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: My husband is a recovering addict. We live with my family at the moment and yesterday my mom wanted me to check the pockets of my husbands jeans because she found that she’s missing 4 pills. This is the 3rd time in the past couple months that she’s thought my husband took them. When I’ve caught my husband with something or ask him about something, he always confesses. And he usually also just comes out and tells me if he did something wrong because he can’t sit with the guilt. But I asked him yesterday and he promised he’s never taken anything from anyone in the house. He’s been super busy with his new job, like really busy. And he said he’s never even thought about anything like that lately because he’s trying really hard at his new job, and it’s a serious job, and is trying really hard to be successful for us. And I want to add that he’s been sober of everything for about 2 years and we attended awesome addiction support groups every week. He promised on everything that he did not take my moms pills. I believe him. But my mom keeps asking me about it. My husband is the first “suspect” because he’s the recovering addict. I don’t know what to think at this point. I want to trust him because I know how hard he really is trying, but at the same time I don’t want him to be lying to be about it. He promised on our marriage. I have absolutely no one to talk to about how I’m feeling and I feel like I’m drowning and dealing with this all by myself. Does anything have any advice or anything?Thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, liddel  +, writes (20 February 2018):
Your mom probably knows how many pills she had. Do you wonder where they went?
Since he has a new job, the best solution is to move out of Mom's house. Quite honestly and I know this might seem harsh, if I lived with an addict, I would have a home drug test handy. Buy one and ask him to take it just to shut your mother up. I also agree with those that say your Mom should lock up medicine.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 February 2018):
 Did she ever find out who took the pills the first two times she accused him? I can understand why your mother would automatically blame a recovering addict, I can also understand why you want to believe your husband. First off I think your mother needs to start locking up her medication if she is on prescription medicine. If you believe him then that is all that matters. It is great he has been clean for two years and you should both be proud. Sit down and talk to your mother, tell him you believe him and that she needs to start looking after he pills more. Also explain to your husband that you believe him but that if it ever comes out he is lying to you in the future the trust will be gone and it will never be gotten back again. I do get why your husband will always be the first to be accused, but your mother does need to lock her tablets away. My advice to you is to talk to your mother about how you are feeling, hopefully it will make you feel much better. I can get why you feel caught in the middle. If this keeps up you might need to move out from the family home to have your own space and freedom.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (18 February 2018):
 You are very young to have to be dealing with issues such as this. I really feel for you. My first piece of advice: Have your mother lock up her medications. Then temptation is out of the way.
Secondly, your relationship won't last if there isn't trust. So, if you believe your husband, let him know. If later on you discover he has lied to you, then it's on him - you've kept up your part of the vows ie honour.
If you can't talk to your mother openly and honestly, is there a friend or another relative who you can trust to talk to? Does your husband have a supporter to help him with any issues he might be having?
You can't really blame your mother too much if your husband has stolen and lied in the past, but do let her know that he is trying and that your support him 100%.
Keep talking, as this will be a long road with many bumps along the way. And there is always someone hear to listen to you.
Take care xxx
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