A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had dated a man (had a baby, got married, and am now pregnant with his second child) for two and a half years before getting married. He owned a nightclub and was opening a restaurant when we met. He convinced me to try to get a house for us without putting his name on it because he said he was maxed out and wouldn't do any good on a loan.Later I found out he hasn't paid his taxes in over 3 years! No wonder he didn't want to be on the loan. I would have found out. Then along with a whole other mess of things, the restaurant has been open for 6 months, he hasn't paid any taxes there yet, and isn't bringing money home. I have been paying our bills one by one with tip money when I bartend at the restaurant (he doesn't pay us out yet). I cannot live like this anymore and I'm going crazy. I have tried everything to get him to file his taxes and he puts everything off. I have a bachelors degree, but the job market is so crappy and no one wants to hire a pregnant person! I feel so trapped and I feel like I'm going insane. I am such a responsible person financially and he never pays his bills. We get letters from collection agencies from when he had to go to the doctor. What do I do about him? I don't want to give up on our family, but is he leaving me any choice? The car and house is in my name and we file taxes separately. Can I be held responsible for his mess?
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male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (19 July 2008):
In a marriage, debt incurred by one may not be a debt for both of you depending on state laws, and whether or not you signed for the loans. The federal government is big, clunky and powerful, but it can be erratic in it's reach. I'd certainly get legal advice if you can get GOOD advice without having to pay too much. The IRS does have programs and provisions for an "innocent spouse". Again, get legal and tax advice. There may be some advantage in your filing your own separate return, but I'm not qualified to say.
It may be illegal to discriminate against someone that is pregnant, but it is certainly common. Pick your battles, and go for a job, contract or profession that will not be too stressful.
You are probably on stronger legal ground after you are divorced. The whole situation is not going to sort itself out by itself - it is intensely legal. I'd get out of this entangling alliance asap and stay friends if that's what you wish. Not meaning to stress the point, but you really need to get accurate legal advice for your locality and situation, even if it costs a bit. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): my boyfriend is like this, as is his father. his father never paid taxes. my boyfriend looks at credit as free money until they can hunt you down and make you pay. he has no credit cards right now, and I take care of most of the bills. I don't know if things will get better, but what I'm trying now is never buying groceries, never putting gas in the car for him, never leaving my keys out so he can use the car. I'm thinking of canceling the cable and the phone. Just trying to make life as miserable for him as possible to motivate him to take more responsibility. I don't know if any of these would be options for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): By the way, if you are pregnant, employer's cannot discriminate as a reason not to hire you....I also don't believe this is true. So you have a bachelor's degree, there are many jobs paying a decent, livable wage that do not require a Bachelor's, say for instance working in customer service or call center. Some of these jobs can pay upwards of $40k a year.....go to an employment agency in your town and have them assist you in finding work, and work with benefits and then go to the interviews. There should be no reason that you would be unemployable even in a down job market. It just may not be the job you really want and you may be over qualified, but when you want and need a job, you sometimes have to do what you have to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): His debt is your debt after marriage....the best thing to do is to hire a financial advisor, or seek the help of a credit counseling service, which if you decide to use a credit counseling service or what is a debt consolidation service, this will hurt your credit score, however, may be your choice of last resort. What they can do is renegotiate with your creditors for payment plans by reducing monthly payments and or lowering interest.
WHEN, not if, the federal government discovers he has not paid taxes for three years, they can and will seize your/his assets, like the restaurant. Like the old saying goes, no one escapes death or taxes. Not having the house in his name would indicate that you own the house but in a common law state he is entitled to half of it's value if you two should divorce.
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