A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a married woman who has found love over the internet. I lied about my marital status, what should I do?I have been married for 10 years, and we have 2 daughters together. My husband is a great father and provider for our family, but we just don't connect anymore. I fear that I have fallen out of love with him, but he is such a great man....I have met another man on the internet....we had a connection instantly, but I told him I am divorced. We have yet to meet in person, but he is divorced with children. I guess I am torn in disappointing my children of course, and my family who thinks my husband is the best thing that happened in my life...and truly finding happiness in my life...I am so torn...what should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): I totaly understand your situaton although I have not made a connection yet I am working on it, and yes I have reservations about the possibility of meeting someone on the Internet but I know that I have fallen out of love with my hisband and the reason for being on the internet is to meet someone right? Well you did and if it makes you feel better then tell him and if he truly wants you then that shouldn't matter, and if it does then find someone else..Tell me how you met someone on the internet?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2008): Perhaps your are confussing "Not connecting anymore," to being bored. You may just be looking for that "Spice," that flare that keeps you comming back for more. You need to talk to your husband about this, as well as the emotional affair, you are having. Perhaps this is something that the husband can try and fix with the right help. You said yourself what a great man he was....Don't throw your life (as well as your childrends," for what just feels good.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): Sort things out with your husband first!
I get the feeling what you want to do is: meet this guy, see if he is as nice as you thought, then if he is, leave hubby and move on to new guy.
Like a safety net. So if it doesn't work out, you can go back to your husband.
Have your cake and eat it too.
But this is unfair to hubby. Either patch things up, or if you dont want to, leave him.
THEN pursue other guys.
It is only fair to tell hubby where he stands.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): Quick answer
- go to marriage councelling if your willing to try to save the relationship and figure out why your searching on the internet for love or what this internet guy is giving you that your husband is not. Then get your husband to do it.
- or you could actually divorce him
If you cheat it will all end in tears anyway....your family will think your horrible. Although if you give the councelling a go and still break up then it was not meant to be and in a few months you could meet up with this guy. Although you would be conceited if you go to marriage councelling with no intention of trying to fix the problem
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): What should you do? Come on re read your post. What you have here is a fantasy relationship built up in your head over someone that you have been typing to. It is true that you can make a connection with a person on the internet, but considering that in human communication only 7% is the actual words you use, and 38 percent is in the voice tone someone uses, and 55% is in body language, you don't clearly have a grasp on reality....you are projecting your own ideas and interpretations of the perceived tone and the personality in the words that jump accross the page. You have never actually spent time with this guy, you may not connect at all in person.
The fact that you are ready to throw away a marriage with a man who is the father of your children for a fantasy speaks volumes about you, not your marriage, not your husband but you. You are unhappy in your life, you are bored, you mistake feelings for being in love. Love is a conscious decision that we make to be deserving of love, to be a person who puts the needs of the other ahead of our own, to make sacrifices when needed to be commited to that person....that is true love and the feelings you have are fleeting, feelings are just that, they blow in the wind and you are responsible for your feelings.....they come from your mind. You don't make a decision, a commitment based only on feelings, if you do you have a house of sand....there has to be some logical reasons, a solid foundation for the friendship that you and your other share.
If you are unhappy, dig deeper. What is it? What could you change to make things better, could it be that you are not being direct enough about what you want or what you envision for your future or what you need here and now. Turn towards your husband and start verbalizing these thoughts and feelings, put action behind them and you may find that your husband is lonely or unhappy, too. Get back to the basics, spend some time together alone, go on vacation, or just recall some fond memories about when you were connected and figure out what you have let slide, what you have forgotten what you have stopped paying attention to....Sometimes married people stop being friends....get your friendship back and you will get back those feelings that you so crave.....
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A
male
reader, iateadonut  +, writes (19 July 2008):
Your responsibility is to your family, not to your "self" or to your "happiness". Generous people are happy; selfish people are always striving to find their own "happiness".
Your feelings should be kept private, especially from the object of your affections. I empathize with your feelings; I hope you don't feel guilty about them. You are responsible for your actions, and not for your feelings.
There are many books about relationships that you can read and enjoy. One really good one is "Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus." There's hundreds of others, I'm sure. You could get down to the book store for a cup of coffee and a book about relationships instead of searching on the Internet for someone to connect to.
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