A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband is inefficient, forgetful and I can’t count on him to get things done or remembering schedules. Any advice?Last week, he fixed something at work on Friday and spent the whole day playing games on Saturday. On Saturday evening we were supposed to attend an event which we had already paid for. Well, he checks his phone right before we leave having not checked it the whole day. Long story short, his colleague was upset he did not follow up on Saturday and we ended up having to cancel our event, losing the money that went with it, so that he could work. This week, he sprung a family brunch on me while I was sleeping because he forgot about it. Last month, we created a dinner event with our group of friends. We sent out invites a week in advance. Right away, one of the friends we invited reminded him that we already have a reservation with her at a hard to book restaurant. However he did not see click on message until 2 days before the event. When he did, he told me and said we must attend that dinner together and cancel our group dinner. He said he THINKS confirmed dinner with our friend in person but is unsure. Long story short, we got into an argument over that. Every doctors appointment or similar takes months to book because he just keeps lagging. Now, he told me he needs my help pushing him to write his resume (he knows how he is). It has been 3 weeks and still is not done. A few days ago, we spoke at 4pm and he said he’ll start cooking at 5pm so I don’t have to bring anything on the way home. At 4:45 or so he asks our friends in group chat if they wanna go out for steak. For the next 30mins they keep asking where he is because he is away from phone and cooking. He said he just craved steak for about 5mins, made plans, and forgot about them. And our friends decided to nickname him the flake of our group because it’s not the first time he’s done this. When he offers to pick up dry cleaning he still needs several reminders and still forgets. I could have done it myself. When he offers to do me a favor or something sweet, I appreciate it so much but he usually forgets as well. I don’t mind doing most of the remembering/reminding, scheduling, and generally things that I am better at and he is not good at. But some things can only be done by him but are never done. Phone alarms and calendars do not help. I even told him that he has reminders going off all day and they do not seem to do anything except bother him, but he insists to keep them. He has been asking my help to remind and push him more but it does not do anything. We both work and it’s creating extra work. I gave many examples above because it seemed like the easiest way to describe the problem. I love my husband. He is the world to me and I would not change him for anything. He is loving, loyal, and so kind hearted. But I need advice on how to help him. Even he does not know what to do about his forgetfulness and general absent mindedness. He seems to have adhd. This morning I taped his breakfast to his keys so he would remember it for the first time because taping it to the door knob was not working (lol).
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 November 2017):
 You are both very young still so if he is truly listening to you and he is really that forgetful then he needs to go to his doctor for a full check up and get this investigated. We all forget things but if he is as chronically bad as this then he needs to be checked out medically.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 October 2017):
 The most logical step would be to consult his doctor. Extreme forgetfulness, lack of concentration, severe difficulties with time management and daily tasks in a person your husband's age ( not senile ) can be a symptom of a smattering of various conditions from CFS to thyroid diseases , endocrine and vascular conditions... Hopefully not, but it does not hurt to check.
Another possibility is that he might be mildly or moderately depressed. Not always depression manifests itself with " showy " symptoms like loss of sleep, libido or appetite- particularly in young men it may come off mostly as a general sense of being overwhelmed and therefore, more or less consciously, disengaging from obligations, planning and duties.
Other then that, well yeah, of course we do not have the qualifications nor the tools to diagnose your husband, but, just based on your post, he does sound like the poster child for adult ADD, inattentive type ( you do not mention hyperactivity ). Go see an ADD specialist. Adult ADD can be treated and managed with excellent results. Personally I would not be crazy about ADD meds, ( they are essentially amphetamines ) but I must admit that the pharmaceutical approach seems to work well in most cases. Barring that, there are still various psychotherapeutical- behavioural approaches which are definitely worth trying , not just for your peace of mind ( I commend you , you must really love him to pieces ! ,and be a strong, serene, positive person. To be perfectly honest I would be unable to live beside someone like him, it would drive me to distraction . Just saying ) but for his quality of life and fulfillment.
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