A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,ive been married now for 11 years and i'm a proud mom of 2. My husband recently got himself into some legal trouble and got 2 years imprisonment.I also discovered that i have strong feelings for a mutual friend of ours. I'm not sure what his feelings are for me,but all i want is to be close to him,i know i still love my husband but i dont seem to miss him. I'm confused,i'm not sure what to do or how to act. Is this love? How do i move on when this feeling for another man keeps on growing.Please help me choose the right path,for myself,my kids,husband and friend.Many thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Daveeeeeee  +, writes (2 March 2010):
 To Laura1318 ...
With due repect any Man/Woman could use this as an argument . Emotions , situations ..are certainly not " owned " by women .
For this poster .. " Stand by your man " ..is an obvious responce , and certainly what she should be doing ..on the information provided here .
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 Why would any woman risk everything for an affair ?
Some women want it all, to have the cake and eat it but there are other women who have no intentions to cheat but cannot prevent themselves from being swept away by the emotional tidal waves beyond their control.
They love their family and children and it is out of desperation that drove them over to the dark world of deceit ,lies and emotional turmoils.
To read more :-
http://laura1318.wordpress.com/2008/11/06/why-would-any-woman-risk-everything-for-an-affair/
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): You choose who you love. Love is a choice not an emotion. You choose to love your kids. you choose to love your pets. you choose to love your husband. It's all in your head. You made a commitment to him stick with it. The only reason why it is ok to divorce is if yours and your children's lives are in danger.
Stay faithful. Your just loney. you may not be missing your husband but that might be because you've expected the worse and it happened. You've prepared yourself. Stay strong.
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A
male
reader, Daveeeeeee +, writes (28 February 2010):
I really think now is the time to stick by your husband , I can certainly understand you feeling lonely and " drawn " to your mutual friend . But now is the time your husband really needs you , he is in a difficult situation , they say you know who your true friends are when you are in Jail . Looking to the positive , you have an 11 year marriage , 2 wonderful children . I dont think it would be wise to put this at risk . Stand by your man , your emotions are most probably overflowing in this difficult time . Take care and good luck .
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (28 February 2010):
You are welcome! Glad that you can see what is in store if you take that dark road.
Keep your focus on God and do not lose faith and hope. It will pass.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLaura1318
Ur words hit home,many thanx very much appreciated
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick  +, writes (28 February 2010):
 Not to mention when your old man gets out of the joint, if he finds out there could be bad reprocussions, and he could be going back as quick as he was out!!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (28 February 2010):
You have two options, to walk the brightly lighted road or to walk that dimly lit road where anything goes.
Think of the consequences if you choose to walk that dimly lit road.
Having an affair is not only a sexual event,it is also an emotional event.
Even if these intense relationships did not lead to sex they are a threat to your marriage.This is because the emotional intimacy with your friend will gradually supplants that with your spouse.
You have open the gates and let the devil creeps in the dark of the night.
What about the effects on your children?
Your children will be affected just as dramatically as the parents when a divorce ends due to an extramarital affair.
They will learn how to lie, how to deny problems, how to be selfish, and ultimately, how to never trust.
You will need to separate your emotional needs and set your limits and boundaries with your friend.
Two years is not a long time and with good remission may come out earlier.
This is totally about you. You’re too immature to control your impulses and tell yourself no and appreciate the value and gravity of the commitment that you’ve made to your man and his children.
If you’re cheating on him, you’re cheating on your children as well. You’re putting their happiness, their tranquility, their peace, their harmony and their future in jeopardy .
You’re not doing it just to him, you’re doing it to them, and they can and will pay the frightful price for it.
Think and choose wisely because 11 years of marriage is not something to be taken lightly.
Your marriage and your family is very important and you are about to stand on the precipice ..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question2Caring guy,thanx did help alot 2years seems a bit shorter now guess i just needed an outsiders view 2have realized that i'm lucky enough 2@least have sum1 that loves me back
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A
male
reader, hamwitch +, writes (28 February 2010):
well it depends on how close you would like to get to him.
i dont think i say this enough but you only live once tell him how you fell. think of it what if he likes you the exact same way. what if you guys are like bff forever.(or what every you want with him)i think of it like this there are 6.5 billion people on the earth,their is some one just like him some where else but you will probably never met him (and theres the language barrier) so just go for it
whats the worst that can happen he wont fell the same way.
even if thats the case at least the thought of what he will say won't be nagging at you all day.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 February 2010):
Slow right down. This isn't love, this is more about feeling lonely. It would be a dreadful shame to throw an 11 year marriage down the drain for the sake of something that isn't based on love. The next two years will be hard for you, but you can get through them. You love your husband, and if you start anything with another person while he's in prison, neither he or your kids will forgive you and it will look bad. Right now, focus on yourself and your kids, and make sure you stay in contact with your husband. You still love him.
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