My husband is flirting with other women

A female age 41-50, *aria1980 writes:

I really have serious issues with my marriage and I don't know what to do. I am married for a bit over two years. We didn’t know each other for long (just two month) when we decided to get married. I found out few days before our wedding that music, that was his obligation to find, is from husband of his ex lover (woman that work with him in the office, they had on/off affair for years). I was so mad when I find out that he asked that woman for music for our wedding, specially I knew they were on some business trip to another country few month before we start our relationship for few days and he tried to make her go to bed with him. He first insist that he have told me that she will get us music, and that he really wants music she offer to him (acoustic music for big room with over 100 people??), until I take him to a place where I show him how that music play. We found them in some basement club, walking from table to table with instruments and singing to people’s ears. So that’s when we decided to change music, but also that’s when our problems started. I explained to him that I don’t want that woman to have nothing with us or our marriage, because I had impression that she was woman capable to do anything (during their ‘relationship’ they were meeting for sex in apartment she share with her husband and one child, she was going out for dinners with her husband and lover at same time saying to her husband they are good friends from work) and I start to think about also what is my husband capable to do. During first six month of our marriage we had quite a rough time, fighting around this woman, and all my husband did is to create my doubts (she calling him on Sunday to offer him some tv that’s her mom is selling, and make me so mad because at that time we were looking to buy tv and his explanation was that she was around when he spoke about it, then he brought home my flashcard with music from her computer + he even called the folder with her name, her best friend from work that also working with them is sending him mails with explanation that she won’t come to work in next few days because her husband in out of city and she will be alone home with a child?? and so on..). One day I opened my facebook and I saw that she buy him from me as pet (game where you buy someone, give him a name, and it show that’s your owner) so I wake him up and confront him about it for God knows how many times before (he’s saying she is just a friend) so he called her in front of me and asked her why she did the (she said it’s just a game and that’s how to earn virtual money) so I said that I want to talk with her (for the first time) and I took the phone from him and on my hello she just hung up. I was so mad at that moment (she is just a friend, right) so I send her sms where I clearly said to her to keep away from my husband and stick to her own+ I called her a tattooed whore. She respond to me immediately, saying and I’m quoting – Suck a d… stupid village woman, while you were watching domestic animals in you were village I was with him. If I want, there will not be place for you. You can imagine me at that point I believe. I asked my husband is this your ‘friend’ that we have argued about since we start our marriage? Anyway to make long story short I called her husband (poor guy didn’t have a clue about it), but I did have one short conversation with her where she make me clear (with laugh) that her husband will believe her and not me, what I actually believe it did happen. I offered him all the evidence, sms from her, her love notes to my husband that he had all over his apartment and working book (that was fun when one day I opened his working book and I saw almost every page with her signatures, hearts, her name with his last name, draws of her). Anyway I made her trouble, and my husband was so frustrated with me and our marriage that he changed the job and we moved to a different town. He was saying that everything will change; this will be a good change for us and so on. He started to work to another firm where he worked alone in a office with some girl. After a few weeks, he stopped to call me every hour like he did before. He started to call me once or two times in his working hours and I knew that all that time he is alone in the office with that college. I asked him what’s going on, as we don’t have a sex anymore (from first day of our marriage we have less sex then when we dated, sometimes it pass whole month before we have a sex ) why he’s not calling, what is going on, why he is not calling me to his work (he never did). One day I was preparing for hours special lunch for him, he was late for half hour so I called to see where he is, and he answered quite mad with words I’m just closing the firm and I will be home in 3 minutes and hung up on me. I went on window to see when he will arrive and I saw his car stopping on bus station that is ten meters from our building and at that time unknown female passenger (woman that work with him in office) is getting out from the car. I let him come inside, not asking anything and waiting to see what he will say to (specially because I said to him that I want to know what he do with any woman that is not about work) but he didn’t say anything. I was mad like always. In all that time I have also noticed that he is playing some game of flirtation with girlfriend of his brother that are together for years (we were at some party and she come to us and almost sit in his lap. She walked in his open legs, in front of me, and stands like that with her leg on his leg for good five minutes. He was a bit confused, but he didn’t move. Next time, also on some party, he was flirting with her so obviously that it makes my stomach turn. They were staring in each other eyes with a big smile and he was looking her like he would jump on her same second). When I confronted him about it he just say that I am imagining, that’s totally harmless as he didn’t have sex with anyone else and that he do that because I make him unhappy with all that talk about his playing around. I am very unhappy and the worst thing is that I know that I’m much better looking than all those women and our sex is usually unbelievably good when it happens, although it happens rarely, and I really don’t know is it me or it’s just him. I somehow have impression that my husband is into everything that is forbidden and I’m not sure can I or will I compete with all of that. I really can’t stand anymore this marriage, as I don’t get anything. He say he loves me, he cries, beg, yell, he do have potential to be a great man to a woman, but at the end of the day I will go in bed with doubts that scream in my head and without sex off course. And I do have a great need for sex and he knows that, and I have told him that million times but nothing. He told me that he just wants me to stop talking about stuff he did and he’s doing, don’t complain why I don’t get sex from him and then everything will start to be better?? He is just extremely rude and to disrespectful for my taste that I can’t stand it. Please I need advice.

View related questions: affair, best friend, facebook, flirt, his ex, money, tattoo, wedding

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