A
female
age
41-50,
*ubyred
writes:Hi. I am happilly married with 2 gorgeous kids (one boy one girl) I am desperate to have another baby but my husband has said that he is done. He has said that it is either our marriage or another baby. I put it to him if i got pregnant - would he leave me and he said that yes, he would. Do you think there is someone else ? I really don't think so, but cant understand why he is so insistant that there will be no more babies for us. please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, rubyred +, writes (11 March 2009):
rubyred is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all soooooo much for your responses. I hate when people make sense :)
He is mainly worried about money and having to go through all of the sleepless nights and bottle feeds and teething etc etc etc. But i'm only 30 and hate to think that my days are done already !
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): Time for some communication between you & him, big time.
His not wanting more kids is absolutely no indication of infidelity. Not by itself. Some men just get cranky about taking on another 20 years and couple hundred thousand dollars of commitment when they feel they're already dug in pretty deep.
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A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (10 March 2009):
 I doubt he is cheating. Army Medic said it best I think; More kids = More money!
He probably doesn't want to spread himself too think between work and kids. Maybe he knows that he is not the kind of person who can handle the stress of 3 kids and work and daily living.
It sounds like he wants to be able to relax with the beautiful family he has already. He is happy and content. You two should have had this sort of discussion before getting married about how many kids you wanted to have.
Let him be a great dad to the two kids he already has, rather than a stressed out, O.K. dad to three kids.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (10 March 2009):
 We're in the middle of a world recession and kids are bloody expensive maybe now he has two lovely children you can spend time together bringing them up with out breaking the bank.
More kids means to me: Bigger house, bigger car, more electricity, more new clothes, more food, new furniture, the list is endless! Also sleepless nights, Crazy hormonal wife, and all the other stress that goes along with it.
It is said a woman has a hormone that makes them forget the agony of labour and child birth, and pretty much the entire 9 month ordeal, MEN don't we remember all the horrors!
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (10 March 2009):
 It sounds like you and your husband has not had spent enough time to on your own to discuss this thoroughly.
We don't know your husband so we cannot second guess him.
There are many reasons why people do or do not want any [more] children. On the practical level, for instance, finance, age, health, relationship status, and time. On the ideological level, there’s religion, culture, [zero-population] movement, and so forth.
You need to tell him why you desperately want another one, and he needs to tell you why he does not. With cool heads. Instead of saying "Why won't you understand me", or "I just don't understand you", why don't you say "Help me understand your thinking", or "If we did this, would that work?" or "What are the things that would not work" . In other words, you need to see his perspectives and he you.
You, as the wife, will then be able to figure out from his answers, whether or not there is another woman. Sometimes, the confession comes out when you least expected it. But if you did not have suspicion of him cheating you, you need to be careful when asking that question to him.
Having said that, to me, I find it disturbing that a husband would use a child (or you wanting to have one again) as an excuse for an ultimatum. Perhaps you are always so absorbed into looking after your children and "forget" about his needs?
Anyways, those are just my thoughts and a bit of practical suggestions.
Good luck!
Cat
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