A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I was married to my ex-husband for 13 years. He is a "recovering alcoholic" who has trouble recovering. He asked me for a divorce 3 years ago, I didn't see or hear from him for over a year (he had someone new) and then he called me and said he was in Alcoholics Anonymous and wanted to see me again. So, for almost 2 years we have been together, with his family, my family everything was great. Then, he fell off the wagon with a fellow AA member and dropped me completely again. He said, "I don't want to feel that I have to tell anyone where I am, what I'm doing or even to have to telephone anyone". So...he stopped having anything to do with me. I'm so confused...now I don't know if he ever even loved me...and what's going on now! Please help...I am so miserable..
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reader, rcn +, writes (8 September 2007):
 I agree with the others. You take care of yourself. We always wonder too much if people loved us, or what could we have done differently. He was an alcoholic. His abilities were to drink and hang where he was allowed. Taking someone from one state to another inside a relationship can change the way the one who changes views the relationship. It can happen in many different ways. For example. I was married. When we got together, I had no direction. She still doesn't. During the course of our marriage, I began studying human development, and chose motivational speaking as a hobby. It's still a hobby, study, and give advice. And to think people actually get paid for it.... My changing and finding out ways to improve myself became much for her. We ended it. She viewed our life different that when we entered into our relationship. Take care of yourself, and let him go into the direction he sets for himself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): This one is a tough one but i think you will have to be cruel to be kind. You need to think of yourself now and protect yourself. Let him go his own way, he has chosen this path and not you, so let him go. Move on and dont stop to look back. You do deserve better. Start again without him and dont be so keen to take him back in the future if he does decide to turn up on your doorstep. You will be actually helping him to help himself if you just stand firm on your own two feet and get a life for yourself. be strong and keep in touch.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Being married to once an alcoholic, I can relate so very much to what you feel and what he is telling you from my past. My exhusband, yes ex, fell off the wagon so so many times. Each time I was with him when he fell off the wagon - 4 rehabs, 1 half way house and then AA. We argued so much and it was so hard to trust him again, he had had several affairs...I always suspected, but didn't actually find out till he made his amends to me when he finally started really doing his homework in AA. There were times he didn't come home for days...and I do mean days! He spent the paychecks, etc...phone calls to all the 1-900 numbers and then the big phone bills. "Those" women could better understand him as I could not you see....because I knew he was an alcoholic and he had some "sexual" issues..porn,etc. They also didn't care because it was just a one nighter..so, of course no one is going to be upset...he spent our paycheck on them and not our bills!!! Long story short...I went to Alanon, and it was great for me to attend, however, even going is NOT going to change him...that program is literally all about YOU. I finally realized, that he was not going to change and if he was, he needed to do it while I was no longer around to worry, be upset, or confront him about his lying to me. I just needed to work on ME! IF he wanted to change and be a better person, he was going to have to do it on his own or with the help of AA. I am happy for him, he is now almost 12 yrs sober...has a wonderful job and new wife. I always forgave him because I understood the disease, but it is very hard to forget about the past and always worry...trust, lying, etc...I knew it was better for him to meet someone down the road then try to work it out with me. Mind you almost 2 yrs later after our divorce, he looked me up and found me and really wanted to get back together again. He knew the type of woman I was..caring, loving, etc, and knew he made a big mistake by the things he did. But it was to late, and to hard for me to try again. I could have stayed miserable, but I choose not to, I choose to move on and I am so happy with the choice that I made because he to is happy...and honestly, that is what matters...and, if it took our divorce for him to see the light, then so be it. At least I know he is not doing the things he did in the past and is living a great life now. Sometimes we do have to make sacrifices, and there not always what we want them to be.May God Bless!
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