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My husband is a hoarder and when I try to talk about it, he puts up the wall...

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 September 2005) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 September 2005)
A female , anonymous writes:

The bottom line is that I'm fed up with my husband's disregard for me. I really don't know what to say to him because it's just a waste of time. When I try to discuss anything he always gets nasty, yells and puts the wall up. His behavour intimidates me so much that I walk away silent.

As usual we haven't spoke or looked at each other for a week. He refused to fix our house for 13 yrs until code enforcement finally came with a list of city violations. I hate walking into my front door. He's promised to clean up his stuff and never does. He has enough clothes for 10 men and enough crap to fill a thrift shop. I have no storage inside and the garage is full. I've down sized both my son's and my belongings to the bear min. I tried to leave him but my 13yr old son would be devistated. He always jumps to help everyone else but run off when I start a project to improve our home. Help - I'm going nuts.

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A reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (29 September 2005):

I Dont Lie agony auntHonestly, I dont think this is something worth going your own separate ways for! Look, this is something that happens in life after marriages. You get married, move in together and have kids, but noticed somewhere down the line that living together isnt exactly the easiest thing to do when the other one isnt cooperating with you. I can udnerstand your frustration here but believe me, you dont want to be one of the divorced couples statistics!! What sets you apart from them is the fact that you're willing to make things work. You should sit him down and talk calmly and explain to him your feelings and how you believe things to work. Dont impose yourself on him and give him suggestions, not orders. I dont suggest you leave him because i think theres still room for improvement and he just needs a wake up call!! Its not like he;s done something so unrepairable like cheated on you or hitting you. The only thing I dont like about this guy is that he turns nasty and yells. When you sit him down to talk, let this off your chest as well. Tell him you dont like the way hes treating you. Now, if it gets serious on this matter, then leaving him would be the best thing to do. You see what Im getting at here? anyway, best of luck and I hope your guy realises soon enough before you resort to taking drastic actions!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2005):

Hello, sorry to say it but you have to leave this man! It seems you have tried a lot of things and it is just not working.

I know you are concerned for your son, but he will aready be being affected by your marriage so it sounds lke a healthy change. And how much better for your son to visit you in a happy, non cluttered home?

I recommend reading "feal the fear and do it anyway"

and "clear your clutter with feng shui".

good luck!

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A female reader, mammadevil +, writes (28 September 2005):

Instead of trying to leave him go on a vacation just you and your son. This way you and him can get a breather from each other.

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