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female
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*issjade0502
writes: dear cupid, i met my husband when i was 17 he was 21 i was and still am an exotic dancer. He has been with me for 8 years and knows all about it. i have never cheatd on him. we have 2 kids together he is always throwing my job in my face but he never watches the kids and spends all his money and i pay for everything. i feel used and he does not see that. i feel like i can not leave my job right now because he is no help and i would not be able to afford everything. we fight all the time but he will not leave and i do not have any family to take my children to. I think he is bipolar because after all the screaming in front of my kids he acts like it is fine and sweetly says baby.... i do not know what to do. i do not want my kids to see and hear all the things they do but i love him when he is up.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2005): Talk to an attorney about getting a restraining order that orders him out of the home. This is not a good environment or role model for your children, and it isn't doing you any good, either. After he is out of the house, then you can sit down, and with the help of your attorney, decide if counseling can save this marriage. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Mirabell +, writes (7 December 2005):
 First of all, you may want to get him some counseling, it sounds like he may actually be bipolar. However, before we becoming diagnosing donnas, we should look at what's going on with your job. He obviously likes to throw it in your face to make him feel better about himself. In his head, he may be an out of work failure, but you're an exotic dancer, so he's more respectable than you. See how he just made himself feel better by putting you down?? Classic bully propaganda. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you--it simply means that he is not happy with himself and he doesn't RESPECT you enough to not take it out on you.
If he doesn't respect you after 2 kids and a million paychecks, he's not going to until something changes. Just be careful--his toxic behaviour is damaging you. And remember, kids see and hear more than you think they do. You don't want them to learn that it is ok to disrespect women and use them for their breadwinning ability.
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