A
female
age
51-59,
*exaschainsaw
writes:I am 41 years. I have been very slim all my life. I have never weighted over 115 lbs. after I got married I gained 15 lbs, my husband was turned off by me completely. So I lost 15 lbs and we started to have sex again. Now I weight 118-120, and we have again stoped having sex. He will have an erection until we begin to have intercourse and things go wrong. He says he is nervous because he knows I am upset.He says the thiner I am the more he wants me. Well I say No if you do not want me at 118 than forget it. I am not fat I have never had children. We have only benn married for 5 years and this has been happening for 3.What do you think I should do? Oh by the way he has gained 35lbs and I still find him hot. I do not want to live in a marrige without sex. He sasys sex is dull, but we have pretty rough sex.I am starting to feel gross and not very sexy. He is so loveable all day. Why does he lose his erection in the middle of intercourse? He watches alot of young girls on porn sites and stays pretty hard when doing himself.He swears he loves me and wants to work it out but does nothing to help it. I have asked him to stop porn and he lies and says he did. do you think I should leave.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2008): .... but honey, according to your weight, you are a very light lady! and even WITH the 'extra pounds' you are still under 9 stone???? he is being ridiculous .. how so is he allowed to gain over 2 stone but you are not allowed to gain a stone?
i am a full curvy size 14, weight 13 stone & was recently in Italy & I was not short of attention from attractive guys ... in fact one guy told me 'many men would be proud to have you ... with your curves' ... the reason i am telling you this is because my ex was awful to me about losing weight ... i am medium build, quite tall, often described as 'beautiful' and 'in proportion' etc etc .. but he made me suffer like a dog, called me a 'fat bitch' etc etc .... and wanted me to be a size 12 maximum - the reason i am telling you all of this is because actually, he has erectile dysfunction (he blamed his ex wife, who was totally slim, tanned and gym toned for this and then started to blame me) he also looks at porn and it turns out he has serious psychological problems ...
in my case the weight was definitely a 'surface problem' and the real issues ran much deeper ... and they were his issues ... i ended up ill because of his behaviour and when we split up i lost lots of weight, look happier and better and people tell me i have never looked better! maybe take a big step back from him, get some marriage guidance counselling together to explore the real 'issues' but do not let him put you down .. it is a subtle process but it takes its toll and causes a lot of damage .. he sounds a lot like my ex .. i don't mean to be harsh about your husband but really ... his is taking advantage by trying to shove 'blame' onto you .. i have been there and it is not nice!
not sure if this has been of any use or help to you .. but really don't let him do this! good luck sorting it all out & i hope you manage to resolve it and be happy together - & if he turns out to be a lost cause with it all don't feel guilty about walking away to a better life ..i stayed too long and it made me ill and now i am paying a big price! but good luck anyway ... he is lucky to have such a nice wife who is willing to take the time & trouble to love him & to want to work it out! :) x
A
male
reader, I am Tetreault +, writes (20 August 2008):
Theres problems deeper than your weight. And from youve said, i dont see any evidence that they are from you.Hes probably having a tough time with his own sexuality. Alot of men masturbate over sex when they are frustrated with sex because of thier own issues. If you feel that it is honestly becuase of your weight that your husband is not interested, then you have come choices to make. After children, and 5 years of marriage, your physical appearance(not be overlooked but...) should take a backseat to deeper feelings and desires. besides, for gods sake 118 isnt heavy at all.Ask your husband why is does what he does. If he tap-dances, he may not actually know. Be open-minded, and try to understand as long as his reasoning seems genuine, then work around it.
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A
male
reader, LonelyButNotAlone +, writes (20 August 2008):
 He sounds like a real loser to me.
15 lbs? What a fucking baby. And a hypocrite.
Porn has been shown to desensitize a person to sex, so there's no doubt that it's contributing to his problem that he's having. And his age (I assume) isn't likely helping him either.
Nonetheless, it sounds like the problem is all his. Not yours. If he's unwilling to change, get away as fast as possible.
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